


Budding Brains and Hearts

by Holmgren13



Category: Psychonauts (Video Games)
Genre: Age Difference, Cute, M/M, Romance, Shotacon, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:41:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 40,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27360646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holmgren13/pseuds/Holmgren13
Summary: Raz had saved the day... now Sasha wants to continue his training as a new Psychonaught. The relationship between a protege and his instructor is becoming more complicated.
Relationships: Razputin Aquato/Sasha Nein
Comments: 39
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

The day had been saved. Razputin Aquato has been given the title of psychonaught for his achievements at camp, but his father had come to take him home. In such a short time his whole world was changed, his experiences have given him a whole new perspective and he was shown a world where he could explore his own and others’ minds, making the world a safer place. But his father had come to take him home. New friends, new mentors, new adventures. But his father. His home. 

Raz had already packed his bags when he found his father talking with Sasha Nein. Agent Nein had been the most helpful in not only testing the limits of his own abilities, but in showing him new ways to use his mind, to harness his emotions, to focus... Being inside Sasha’s mind had been a humbling experience. He saw his own potential, and when Sasha congratulated him on his lesson Raz had felt a fire inside of himself like he hadn’t felt before. He wanted more, to show Sasha that he could do even better.

Raz had begrudgingly committed himself to going home, but when he approached his father it was met with a look mixed with worry and pride. His father explained that the circus would be able to survive without him, but the world very well may need him someday. He told his son that he loved him and that he was always welcome home. Then Sasha calmed Raz’s confused mind by stating very matter-of-factly that he had received permission both from Agent Cruller and Mr Aquato to continue Raz’s Psychonaught training on a one-on-one basis. Raz was so excited, and when he learned that he would be leaving the camp to move in with Sasha Nein to have this training, he wanted to scream, forcing himself to remain some semblance of calm. 

Sasha had given a very simple tour of his home, which was situated hanging slightly over a steep mountain, the views of his patio overlooking the valley towards the city. Raz was given full freedom of the home as long as he respected Sasha’s privacy And minded his manners. Raz was very quick to agree, only too excited to finally be able to strive for his idol’s approval. 

Raz was shown the home gym, which was gigantic! Sasha barely used the room any longer, but had borrowed some extra equipment from Coach Oliander, including some hanging rings, a pummel horse, and even a set of uneven bars. Sasha explained that while he believed Raz’s training in his mind would be paramount, that the training he had undertaken physically in the circus was invaluable and that he wanted to support maintaining that high level of discipline. 

Sasha then showed the boy to his room, which was just down the hall from the master bedroom. Taught pale bedsheets pulled over a full sized bed, plain walls, a single shelf with three thick books held by a stainless steel bookend, a small set of dresser drawers, a standing mirror, and a small desk with a small stack of papers and a collection of pens in a small cup. The room was very tidy, clean, and plain. 

Over the following week, this room began to look very different. Raz filled the drawers with spare clothes, stuffing them almost to bursting. The top drawer always had a sock or his underwear sticking out a tad and wouldn’t fully close, but it was close enough. His extra sweater just laid on top, and his shoes just lay haphazardly to one side. Sasha would have intervened but was determined to let the boy have once space all to his own, though he did wish Raz wouldn’t use the entire bottom drawer for his neatly folded Psyconaught’s uniform. Raz also put some of his comic book collection up on the shelf next to the study guides Sasha had left for him, and had covered the bed with his own quilt his mother sent with him. When he was sure Sasha wouldn’t be snooping, Raz even taped up some of his favorite drawings and news clippings from the past few years up on the wall. 

Raz was not an early bird, but over the past few days he’d begun to find it more and more difficult to get up each morning. Sasha would knock on his door at 6am every day like clockwork. At first Raz would nearly jump out of bed and rush to get dressed so that he could join Sasha for breakfast, usually plain toast and eggs. Now he wakes to the knocking and immediately almost doubles over when he tries to sit up, the tenderness in his unstretched muscles throbbing and his head swimming in the dreams that made him feel as if no sleep had ever come. Wanting to splash his face, a sleep deprived Raz had stepped into the shower and twisted the knob int he wrong direction. It took a moment before he realized he had pulled the knob from the wall, holding it in his hand. He glared at the knob through squinted eyes. “I hate you, plumbing...” 

He didn’t bother putting anything on other than his slippers, shuffling to the kitchen in his oversized ‘I <3 Brain’ tee shirt and bare legs only to find his eggs had gone cold and Sasha was almost finished with his morning smoke, the newspaper on the table slowly turning its pages with Sasha’s mere thought.

Raz ate in relative silence, which did not go unnoticed by his instructor. 

“Razputen.” Sasha spoke in his slow calculated fashion, which even in his tired state Raz found just as cool as when they first met. “You are seeming unwell. How are you feeling?” 

“I’m f-“ Raz lost the word in a large yawn, but he gave his head a quick shake. “I’m fine. I’m just a little tired is all...” 

“Have you been sleeping well? Your body and mind must both be well rested during training if you wish to become stronger.” Sasha stood slowly from the table, his newspaper folding in half as he snuffed his cigarette into the ashtray beside his coffee mug. He took his dishes from the table and brought them to the sink. “Perhaps we are pushing too hard...” 

The thought of Sasha finding Raz’s progress somehow inadequate sent a small shock into the boy’s mind. “No! I mean... Pft, I’m totally okay, Sasha, I promise. I just had some weird dreams last night, must have tossed and turned a bit. I’ll be good as new after breakfast.” Raz quickly dug back into his food, pushing the eggs up onto his toast and taking a large bite, sucking at the runny yolks, still managing to drip onto his chin. 

“Mmm.” Sasha didn’t look back as he rinsed his plate, an invisible hand opening the dish washer for him to place it away. He could not see into Raz’s mind without his Psycho-portal, but he could feel the spikes of emotions present. “Very well, if you believe it is best. We will continue your training this afternoon. I must call in to headquarters for any updates, and will be filing some reports this morning.”

“And I’ll go into the gym and do my morning routine.” Raz grinned up at his mentor, doing his best to not let the shadows under his eyes show. He watched Sasha cross the room and head towards his private office. Even inside the house Sasha wears his stripped turtleneck sweaters, but without his coat and gloves he looked more naturally approachable. Softer maybe. Raz had begun to notice smaller things about the man as they lived together, like how while he always looks inquisitive but he’ll only move his finger to his chin when something really baffles him and there’s something he feels he doesn’t fully understand. It was these small things that made Raz feel closer than ever to the grown man, and made him all the more happy to be where he was. 

Raz became determined that today was going to be the day that Sasha was feel SO impressed with his progress that he will HAVE to say it. Raz hadn’t expected this to be easy, but it turns out verbal compliments are hard to get from Sasha Nein. He needed to be beyond expectations. If Sasha thought he was tired and needed a break, Raz would just would doubly hard today! He couldn’t help but grin as he imagined Sasha with his mouth gaping open in astonishment at his progress. 

That mental image stuck with Raz as he ran off, leaving his dishes in the sink for later as he went to get some clothes on. He slipped on some tight fitness shorts and a long sleeveless shirt. He stretched and flexed into the mirror, his lean and hairless torso taught with muscle underneath that bit of softness he could never get rid of. If only snack cakes weren’t so delicious... He slipped on his white sneakers and ran off to the gym for his workout. 

He had almost been at it for an hour, his shirt and head strap nearly dripping as he exhaled, holding his arms out at his sides with a suspension ring in each hand, holding himself a few feet from the floor. His arms shook slightly from the strain, but with practiced efficiency he let his body drop before bouncing back up and pulling himself parallel to the ground with his hands under him like he was doing a push up hanging there in the air. His breathing was becoming shaken and strained, but he didn’t quit, letting his legs slowly part to the sides and then pulling his hips up, rotating his shoulders until he felt the straps touch the back of his legs, now fully upside down, a drip of sweat falling from his nose to the floor below. 

Sasha watched from the hallway. He had been there for a few minutes now, not wanting to disturb young Raz’s routine, but too fascinated to turn away. Such prowess of the body was normally equated to those of inferior minds, but Razputen has been able to strike a balance between body and mind which made him admirable to his peers. Sasha’s finger stroked absently at his chin. 

Finally, it was time. “Razputen.” 

Raz gasped and felt his grip slip at the call of his name. He tightened his grip, but with only a minor shift in his weight he’d begun to lose balance. He tried to bend in his legs to control the fall, but sweaty palms ended up being his downfall as he tumbled to the mat with a thud. He was panting where he lay, but rolled onto his stomach, looking up at Sasha, who stood just outside the doorway of the gym. How long had he been there? 

“Hah...hah... Yes sir?” He worked his way onto his knees, unwilling to yet bring himself to stand. He glanced at the clock on the wall, realizing he’d spent more time than he had planned on the hanging rings. “Isn’t it a little early for our lesson?”

“Yes, but I believe this time it would be more appropriate for you to clean up before coming to my office.” Sasha took a step into the gym, the smell of fresh sweat not quite appealing, but also not off putting either. He felt a surge of emotion from the boy, and when he glanced over he noticed the red streaking across Raz’s cheeks. His fragile shame was endearing, the boy wearing his emotions on his sleeves. “I recommend taking a hot shower and relaxing yourself for a short time before your lesson.” 

“Hehe... y-yeah, I will.” Raz stood and gave his arms a light stretch as Sasha pulled a cigarette from his case, letting it float in the air following him as he turned to leave. “Oh, Sasha? Um...” Raz had just remembered and rubbed the back of his head. “I uh... sorta broke the shower this morning. The knob came off when I was trying to use it. Sorry...” 

Sasha turned, the cigarette slipping between his lips. He habitually took the smoke from his lips between two fingers as he spoke. “Use mine for now. The shower will be a simple fix.” 

Raz felt his face grow slightly hotter. “Your shower, Sasha?” 

“Yes.” The older man took a drag off of his cigarette, mentally lighting the very tip as he breathed and sighing out a small cloud of smoke. “I will be in my office shortly. Take your time, Razputen.” With that said, Sasha exited the room, leaving behind only a trail of smoke and a blushing young agent struggling with the thought of stripping down in his mentor’s room. 

Raz stood in Sasha’s room in silence. He had closed the door to the bedroom first, and was now standing in the doorway to his bathroom. He’d not been in here before due to simply not having any real need. The room was weirdly large, abstract art was hung up on the bedroom walls, everything in simple colors. The bathroom was organized and simple, like something you’d see in a magazine, not in real life. Raz’s bathroom had soap scum on the edges of the sink, his toothbrush hung out of a glass and his toothpaste tube was squished and bent. Sasha’s counters were clean and free of anything. Raz stepped up onto a thought bubble and carefully levitated to the medicine cabinet, peeking inside to see everything neatly arranged inside to be kept from view. Some pills, a wooden handled razor, an electric toothbrush, two identically bottles of cologne. 

Raz hesitated, and then quickly shut the bathroom door as well before going back inside and reaching up for a bottle of the cologne. He gave it a sniff. It was.... spicy. He wasn’t sure he’d smelled it before. Maybe he only wears it on special occasions. He placed the bottle back and eyed the razor. It looked like one of the older things you need to actually put disposable razors in, but it was empty. Raz closed the medicine cabinet and regained his balance on his thought bubble before looking at himself. In the back of his mind he’d wanted to maybe look at himself pretending to shave, but when he saw his sweaty shirt and his hair sticking up oddly after hanging upside down with damp hair he instead quickly put the razor down in embarrassment and dropped to the floor, taking off his clothes and tossing them into the corner of the room. 

Inside the shower Raz had the water on hot and was bathed in a blanket of steam. It felt amazing to have his muscles loosening under the torrent of pressure, and as he raised his arms in a long stretch he fell into total bliss. He looked around for some soap, expecting to find a bottle of gel, but instead found a squared off brown bar of soap.

Raz gulped as he picked up the soap and gave it a light sniff. Yeah, this was Sasha’s soap that he used. It smelled of perfumed wood. A little earthy, a hint of something like cinnamon. It was familiar, but much stronger than when he smelled it on Sasha himself. Raz began to rub the soap over himself, the same soap Sasha had probably rubbed over HIS body just this morning, as he stood right where Raz was standing... fully naked. 

“Oh man... not again.” Raz had only just started to wash himself when he felt himself letting those dirty thoughts get to him. He looked down, the soap flowing down his skin dripping off of his erection. This was almost a daily occurrence, usually when he was in bed thinking about the day and about his brain training when Sasha stood over him and- Raz shook his head. He fought against those thoughts, knowing that he couldn’t be... in LOVE with Sasha. That just didn’t... it didn’t make sense. it didn’t work out. The thought of the pro psychic hero having anything more than a ‘professional interest’ in him was absurd. 

Raz sighed as he allowed himself to give himself a light stroke. The rush of blood and the shock of stimulation lead his thoughts to other dreams. Of Sasha’s rough but gentle hand on his head. The stubbles cheek right next to his as his teacher looked over his shoulder at his studies. The smell of smoke, leather, and pure Sasha Nein when he pressed his face into the man’s waist when he hugged him. What if... What if Sasha was able to see him as more than a student? What if those looks from the gym doorway weren’t just fascination, but infatuation? What if Sasha felt the same? 

Raz felt his body shivering as his fingers sped up. He slipped the soap down, slipping it across his lap as he stroked, imagining Sasha being here with him, hidden in the steam. The feel of his body so close, that calm low accented voice whispering encouragement. What if they were HIS fingers touching him now? What if-

A knock came at the door. “Razputen?” 

“G-gah!” Raz tensed, the bar of soup shooting from his hands! He tried to catch it, but it slipped from hand to hand until his feet slipped from under him. His feet slid apart, wedging himself in a partial splits between the sides of the shower. He cleared his throat and tried to sound nonchalant. “Y-y-yes? Uh, occupied?” 

“Hmm...” There was an amusement in Sasha’s voice. “I will be in my study. Join me when you are finished.” 

“O-okay! I will!” Raz waited, holding his position until he heard the bathroom door close once again. He then released a deeply held breath. Raz carefully regained his balance, replaced the soap, and rinsed off. He willed his boner away as best as he could, and wrapped himself in a towel. He peeked down the hallways outside of Sasha’s room before quickly making his way back to his own room to get a change of clothes. 

He’d be going into Sasha’s mind for training. He thanked his stars that Sasha would not be going into HIS mind today. He was afraid of what the man might find...


	2. Chapter 2

Focus. Concentration. Control. Organized thoughts. Easy in theory, but not many students are ordered to simply have two thoughts at once and keep both in clear control, AND to do all of this while under both the stress of being watched and graded, but also attacked. 

Raz grimaced as a red and black stamp was pounding against the wispping grid of orange glow of psychic energy that slowly swirled around him. The grid held the attacker back, but every time the stamp struck the shield it was like Raz’s head throbbed. The young Psychic continued to try and focus. He was picturing the shield in his mind with very still and sound emotions. He closed his eyes behind his goggles and pictured confidence, stability, the image of a sentinel holding the line... His head throbbed with each strike, but the image stood strong, and he was safe. 

Raz was able to produce this shield at camp, but Sasha had taught him how to hold it nearly indefinitely, adjusting where it’s most stable, how to pulse by outwardly releasing the protective thoughts, and how to create an offensive barrier by weaving angrier more directed thoughts into the image of confident stability. Sasha was very keen on perfecting the shield before moving on to more advanced weaponized thoughts if the Psychonauts were to invite him into the field. But now that he had a more stable shield that he could hold, he needed to be able to multi task. 

“Razputin.” 

Sasha’s voice sounded in time with a shock, a force pushing Raz to he knees! The push felt hot, and sent a shiver of frustration through his spine to his head, which he tried to shake and not let effect his shield. “Y-yes Sir!” Raz knew what his teacher was bring attention to, and with a deep breath he brought some more balanced control to his thoughts, his shield strengthening to his rear. 

“If you become too focused on the oncoming attacks to your front, your thoughts will automatically adjust your shield thusly. You must always remain vigilant to attacks from all directions, especially from where you cannot see.” Sasha took a drag from his cigarette, knowing full well that the smoke from his mental projection was more of a figment of his imagination, just like his classic gloves and jacket. His habit of smoking could be curbed here in his mind, but when his attention is focused elsewhere the habits come naturally and without thought or control. Just like with Razputin’s hat and goggled, the image they are most comfortable in and defined themselves as would appear more naturally than the image of themselves however they were dressed in the real world. 

Pressing two fingers to the side of his head, his own thoughts for a brief moment focused on imaginary evils... scuffed flooring, furniture skirting, white socks with black pants... and a blast of energy pushes from his mind, reflecting off of Raz’s shield this time. “Much better. Now hold onto this shield. But create a frustration within the image in your mind. Do not let them mix, instead be two separate images within one another.” 

“Yeah...easy peasy...” Raz did his best to do what Sasha was instructing, allowing those frustrations to build up within his image... A blast of heat hit from behind, but did not strike his back this time at least. 

“Your shield, Razputin.” 

“R-right!” His shield had started to become angry, spinning faster and becoming spiked, the tiny man-like creature’s stamp had shattered, the censor falling back and popping like a mental balloon into raw mental energy. A large piece a few dozen yards away popped another censor out, which began running at Raz’s shield. 

“Keep the images within each other, but not mixed. Again.” Sasha kept a close eye on his pupil, watching how his shield reacted, feeling for excess emotions... anything that could clue him into how to build the understanding of mental multitasking as a strong foundation of future expert techniques. Teaching someone such abilities at Raz’s age was so rarely done, but Raz was such a fast learner and his mind was so well naturally shielded that he knew the boy could handle it. And not only was he fascinated by the boy’s potential, he knew the happiness that bloomed in the young man every time he was able to tackle new skills and abilities. 

Raz’s shield was still shivering and wanting to spike out, but it flickered just before the censor had approached, and a beam of energy shot from Raz’s mind and stuck the being down. It took a moment, but the shield was back up. “D-dang it!” Raz was taking deep breaths. “Sent some more censors, Sasha... I’ve almost got it.” 

“You are close, Razputin. Again.” With barely a glance, Sasha activated the pipe again, this time spawning three censors. “If your shield wavers as you attack, you will be struck by the remaining enemies. Hold the shield, and blast through it.” 

Raz’s image of the sentinel in his mind had changed without him realizing. The image had been like a large version of a toy soldier like the ones he had played with back when he was traveling with the circus, posing them on his bed under his blankets with a flashlight, trying to keep them standing as the cart rocked gentle on the road to the next town. But as Raz was trying to create his attacks, his sentinel flashed in as his father. He shook his head, his brown cap shifting over his hair even as his goggles held firm, and focused on the toy soldier once more, but as he tried to hold the image he felt his leg twitch and throb. He tried to hold his stance, but the pain made him fall to his knees. He knew in the real world he must be getting a cramp, but he needed to keep his focus here or else his mind would be taking an uncensored beating. 

“Razputin, are you all right?” Sasha noticed Raz down on one knee, the boy’s hands shaking as he held the shield. He began to raise his fingers to his head, but stopped as he heard Raz shout back. 

“I-I got this! I’m fine!” Raz bit his lip and used the pain in his leg and the frustrations of his own physical body getting in the way of his training to build up, and was able to send out a blast without releasing his shield, the orange grid only wavering for a moment as one censor was pushed back and popped, quickly replaced by another from the tube. 

“Excellent! Razputin you-“ Sasha very quickly lost his excitement and gained all of his focus as the shield shrank down and melted away like mist scattering in the wind. The boy fell back, his green sweater soaked in sweat, his face read, and his eyes half crossed, and the censors did not pause before rushing in to stamp out the entity in their domain. Without hesitation Sasha raised his fingers to his head, and with practiced efficient thought processing he sent out a blast that ricocheted between the three censors in a mere instant. The tube producing more censors sank back into the cube of organized thoughts that was his mind, and soon Sasha was kneeling beside Raz. He placed two fingers to the boy’s head and focused. Barely conscious, but not hurt. With a relieved sigh Sasha stood and guided Raz’s thoughts carefully to the exit of his mental world. 

He reached up and removed the small door shaped psycho-portal from his forehead and adjusted his glasses. Law king the pockets of his coat, which lay hanging over his office chair, he placed the device on the desk next to him. He stepped to where Raz had been standing, now laying on his back panting in a simple tee shirt and jeans along with his seemingly required goggles. Methodically, as he was trained, Sasha held Raz’s head to keep it from getting bumped and rolled him onto his side. He placed the back of his large hand against the boy’s forehead. “...No fever. Good. I told you to be careful not to over exert yourself, Razputen.” 

Sasha gently removed the boy’s goggles from over his eyes and placed them in his back pocket as he carefully stood. Green incorporeal hands gently lifted the boy, turning him slightly to his back as Sasha raised his arms, Raz’s still body resting against him. He cradled the boy carefully as he walked from his office, carrying Razputin down the hall to his room. 

His shoes silently walked over the hardwood floors, Sasha’s bedroom door opening with a thought as they approached. The grown man’s bed as much larger and taller than Raz’s, the covers pulled tight under a thick folded throw all in a matching forest green pattern. He laid the boy carefully down, making sure his head rested comfortably back on the pillows. He used his fingers against Raz’s neck to test his pulse, and leaned down to listen to his breathing. He was relaxing slowly, but such mental strain should not have been too much for someone of Raz’s talents. 

Sasha moved down and pulled Raz’s shoe laces loose before taking his ankle in one hand and working each shoe off. In holding his leg, Sasha noted how tense the muscled in his calves really were. 

“Hmm...” He carried the shoes by the heels and placed them just outside the room before coming back and swiping any dirt from them off of the bed before rolling up Raz’s pant leg, giving a firm but careful squeeze, his fingers easily wrapping around the shin and feeling at the muscles. “This explains it.” He turned his gaze to Raz’s face, knowing full well the boy was not able to concentrate enough to understand him anyways. “Razputin, you have completely exhausted yourself. Your body and your mind share a balance of energy, and if you overwork one, you will begin to lose power in the other. I am sorry I did not notice how intensely you had been training yourself and how far you were willing to push yourself under my tutelage.” 

Sasha stood and pulled the sleeves of his turtleneck sweater up just past his elbows before carefully lifting Raz’s shirt up over his head. He striped Raz of all but his briefs, and fetched a damp cloth from the bathroom, wiping away the sweat from his body before he began to carefully massage each large muscle group enough to relax his body and help him to sleep soundly. He was now able to recognize that when Raz had fallen in the mental world that it was due to muscle cramping, not just exhaustion. He continued, squeezing Raz’s thighs to what he imagined was the precipice of pain before releasing, letting the blood flow and the muscle relax to heal. 

Raz’s mind was in a haze, but he felt the chill of exposure, his whole body sore. Or was it numb? It was a strange blur of feelings he could not bring himself to understand. Trying to remember what happened, he thought back, only able to recall slowly getting double vision as he was trying to focus, and feeling his body throbbing and seizing before things went dark. He struggled to open his eyes, as if he was still asleep, his senses giving mixed signals. He felt a rough hand on his skin, he felt the pressure of strong fingers followed by almost a caress again and again. He cold almost see Sasha holding him, but that didn’t make sense, why? Raz whole heartedly decided in his exhausted state to not question why, or how, but focus on the dream.

“Mmmm...S-sa...” 

“Hmm? Razputin?” Sasha carefully put Raz’s leg down and leaned forward, noticing the boy’s eyes barely open. “Are you awake?” 

“Sa....sha...” 

Sasha was unsure if the boy was waking up or falling deeper into sleeping dreams. He reached behind to his back pocket and pulled out Raz’s goggles. “Please forgive any intrusions, Razputin.” Holding the goggles, Sasha focused on them, and created a clairvoyant connection between them. When he opened his eyes, he saw through Raz’s eyes. He was only just able to see himself sitting over him. “So, you are awake, at least somewhat.” He was about to pull out when Raz’s image become slightly more clear. Sasha saw himself, but... well, to put it bluntly he was more handsome than reality. And a soft light was around him. Sasha stifled a light chuckle. “My boy, you hold me in too high regard. Though I am flattered by your image of...me...” Sasha’s cheeks gained some color as he noticed in the blurry vision Raz held, Sasha himself was not wearing any clothes. 

Sasha quickly placed the goggles down and gulped. “I...see. Ahem.” Sasha may need to have some form of discussion with the boy later. For now, he would let him rest. He began to stand, but Raz shifted with a soft almost whimpering sound. 

“N-no, dont...” Raz saw Sasha falling away, and he tried to reach out. It was too early for this dream to end. He didn’t want to wake up yet. 

Sasha sighed as Raz raised his hand in some sort of grabbing motion. Curiosity got the better of him, and then man leaned down. “What is it, Razputin? What do you-?” As he leaned down, Raz’s cool small hand touched his face, moving up to take his glasses, pulling them off and letting his arms fall to his sides. 

Raz’s eyes fluttered half open, his face slightly pale, but a smile pulling at his lips. “Hehe... Sasha Nein.. I... I knew you would have pretty eyes.” Before the dream could end, Raz leaned forward, reaching as much as he could until he felt Sasha’s lips pressed against his. The skin was soft but a little scratchy, the smell of saddle wood and smoke and a little coffee. He breathed and held the kiss as long as he could before he felt his body give way, falling back against the pillows. 

Sasha gulped, almost afraid to move. The lips that had pressed against his were tightly puckers, awkwardly placed, abrupt and unexpected... and while the boy may not be truly aware, he did know what he was doing. The man looked with uncovered eyes at the boy beneath him and felt his body reacting. His cheeks became warm, his heart was rapid, and his breath was catching in his chest. 

Sasha leaned down and pressed his forehead against Raz’s, closing his eyes and focusing his mind to cradle the boy’s. He calmed the rising passions, drew the curtains to his conscious mind, and aided him to fall into a temporarily dreamless deep sleep. He leaned back up and saw Raz’s eyes now shut, his breathing steady and slow. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Raz’s forehead. He felt himself hesitate, the thought of kissing his lips quickly tucked away as he straightened himself. Sasha took back his glasses, and proceeded to tuck the boy in. 

He placed a small pillow under his knees to steady him, and pulled the throw from under his feet to cover him. As he covered, he tucked away another thought, the tented brief of his student he knows he saw. with a wave of his hand the blinds were shut, the lights lowered, and a cigarette floated between his fingers. He walked out into the hallway and quietly shut the door. He needed to consider some of these thoughts he’d tucked away, and decide how they needed to be dealt with. With a frustrated sigh, he was forced to adjust his pants as he walked towards the patio for a smoke.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raz had exhausted himself. Sasha needs to enforce a prescription of rest and relaxation. It’s time to teach the young man to focus and enter his own mind and control himself within. But Sasha is having troubles in his own mind world.

As he finally pulled himself out of a strange dreamless sleep, Raz felt brain fuzzy and light headed. He turned onto his side, feeling something a pillow tucked under his legs shifting, so he kicked it out of the way and pulled the larger pillow under his head to his chest and clung to it for a few moments, wanting to stay for just a few more minutes. Nothing has seemed off, but as his thoughts began to gather and his mind began to clear, he noticed the smell of the pillow. His eyes snapped open, and he quickly turned to look at where he was. 

“How did I get...?” He was in Sasha’s room. In Sasha’s BED! The boy sat up and threw the covers off before quickly pulling them right back. On. He didn’t have any PANTS! His mini panic was doing nothing to help him figure out what had happened, so he closed his eyes once more and took a few very deep breaths. “Okay okay okay... rational explanation. Raaaaational. Rational Raz. Here we go.” He opened his eyes, much more calm, and tried to recall what had happened. He’d been training with Sasha. Things were difficult, he was fighting, his legs were twitching, his head was hurting, things went dark... then that dream. Wait, it WAS a dream, right? Where Sasha carried him away and was taking his clothes off... and then Raz kissed... 

“YEP! Totally a dream! Glad THAT’S settled!” Raz’s cheeks had lost some color, but filled with faux confidence he pushed the covers back off and hopped out of bed, cringing at the tenderness in his body before waddling over to the alarm clock to see what time it was. It was the late afternoon, so he’d been asleep probably for a few hours. Shoot where were his clothes!? He snuck on tip toes over to the hall door and peeked out, looking up and down the hall. Seeing no sign of Sasha, he quickly exited and made a dash for his room where he could put on some trousers. 

His brown slacks and green sweater on, Raz noticed his awful bed head, the hair sticking straight up on the right side. He did his best to brush it, but it was being stubborn, so he dunked his head into the sink and got it good and wet before coming it all to one side as usual. He felt he looked ridiculous with wet hair, all slicked and proper, so he towel dried his hair and tried again, leaving it a bit more loose. Still a bit too slick, he ran his fingers through a few times, and finally he deemed himself passable and stepped into his shoes, not bothering to tie them as he walked through the house looking for Sasha. 

“Sasha? Hello?” Raz knew he wasn’t in the bedroom, so he first went to the sitting room, then the library, and finally Sasha’s office. “Sasha Nein?” Where could that man be...? He was peeking into the kitchen when he saw a misty veil of smoke glide past the back window. He went to the back and pushed open he door to the patio. “Oh. THERE you are.” 

Sasha stood leaning on the railing of the patio, looking out towards the city. The sky was streaked with blues and pinkish oranges, like a fruity sorbet dotted with whipped creme clouds. If only they had a red balloon, it would be like a cherry on top. The man raised an eyebrow as he turned his head and saw Razputin shutting the door behind him and coming over to look between the horizontal beams of the guard rail to look down the mountain valley. “Wow... what a view.” He crossed his arms and craned his neck to try to see more. 

“Yes.” Sasha turned once again, his eyes focused down at the city itself. His eyes caught shimmers of light reflecting off of polished glass miles away, but his mind painted a picture of the clouds of memories gathered so densely. It was a confusing but strangely beautiful sight, and one that always reminded him of why he had become a Psychonaut and granted him some perspective. “I come out and look down to the city to think. It’s quiet. Free of minute distractions.” He took another drag on his cigarette and gently released it, the cigarette floating down to tap its ashes into a small heavy looking glass tray, which had been stuffed with over a dozen old butts. 

“O-oh... I can go back in, if that’s what you...?” Raz took a step from the guard rail, looking up at Sasha a bit nervously. He didn’t want to be a distraction if Sasha wasn’t in a good mood or something. 

“Hmm?” Sasha raised an eyebrow and turned his head to look at the boy. It dawned on him what his words could be taken to mean, and he chuckled as he turned his back to the view, leaning back against the rail instead. “No, my apologies Razputin. You are not a distraction. Please, stay.” He adjusted his glasses as his cigarette slipped back between his lips, the tips glow intensifying as he gently breathed in. 

‘Wow...’ Raz thought to himself as he watched his teacher. ‘He looks so cool...’ Raz cleared his throat, the images of his previous dream flooding back to him along with the question of how much was just in his head. “Ahem, y-you know all of that tobacco is going to catch up to you someday. You shouldn’t smoke so much.” 

Sasha grinned. “So. You think I look cool, hmm?” 

“Gck! Y-you... I didn’t day you... Dont read my mind!” Raz crossed his arms tightly across his chest and avoided eye contact for a moment, turning his gaze down and to the side to look down the mountain again. 

“I didn’t have to. You only just confirmed my suspicions.” 

Raz turned and looked up at Sasha Nein, who had a rare grin on his face. “You... TRICKED me!?” His face was still red rom embarrassment and he was shaking seemingly in anger, but in just a moment he let out a snorting laugh. “Pft... you’re such a jerk.” Raz leaned over and playfully shoved at Sasha’s leg. 

“Heh... This time you made it too easy, young Razputin.” He took a final drag on his cigarette before snuffing it out in the ashtray, only then realizing how much he had smoked that evening. “I’ve been addressing a personal issue, and it has had me in an admittedly stressful mood. I have everything under control now.” He slid the ashtray to the far side of the rail, out from between the two of them. “Razputin, you over-worked yourself this past week. I had told you early on that you need to understand your limitations and work within them, not power through them.”

“Yeah...I know.” Raz had turned back to the view, but his eyes were focused on his own hands. “I just... well, I know I can do better. I need to be stronger if I want to be able to call myself a Psychonaut.” 

“You ARE a Psychonaut, Razputin. You have been blessed with psychic defenses rarely seen in a boy your age, we have told you this before...” Sasha noticed the somewhat hurtful expression on Raz’s face. He’s heard this many times before, and Sasha wondered if that’s not what he needed to hear. As thoughtful and methodical as always, Sasha sorted through his dialogue before taking a step towards the boy and placing a hand on his shoulder. “Beyond that, you have opened yourself to so much... trained so hard, learned so much, pushed your own boundaries of bravery...” The words were softening Raz’s expression, making the boy’s cheeks flush red. “You have much to be proud of, young man. However, if you continue to push so aggressively over the long term, you will damage yourself. You will see a large diminish in your abilities if you do not allow both your body and mind to recover.”

“I know, but...” Raz didn’t look up, not wanting Sasha to see the blush he felt overcoming his whole face. He sighed. “I’ll try to be better.” 

“Just be careful. That’s all.” Straightening himself once more, Sasha took on his more stern and forward voice. “For now I want you to take the next two days for resting. That means no acrobatics and no psychic training.” 

“What!? B-but Sasha-“

The professional raised his finger, which cut off Raz’s complaint. “It’s prescribed recovery. You can stretch your muscles, and you can stretch your mind, but no heavy workouts of either.” 

“Stretch my... mind?” Raz tried to picture how that would be done. A literal stretching of the body made perfect sense as opposed to the strenuous work to tear down and build up muscle. “So do I just... do Psychic training...lightly? Like... pick up LITTLE rocks with my brain?” 

“While that could constitute light use of your mind, I recommend developing your personal mind space.”

“Oooooh.” Raz nodded, but his nods slowed until he was just looking at the ground. He put his fingers up to his chin and thought. “Hmmmm....” 

Sasha sighed. “I forgot, this was not something we went over at Whispering Rock. Let me briefly explain.” As Sasha stepped away from the railing and began to pace as he was one to do during a lecture, Raz’s eyes widened slightly ready to learn, and sat on the deck cross legged. “When you use a psy-portal door to enter someone’s mind, you are entering their own mental world. A normal healthy mind will reflect how they see the world, which may vary greatly on your own views, and may exaggerate different worldly features, or be missing them completely. You have entered many damaged and confused minds before. These worlds will be warped in some way, or be constantly bombarded by a conflicting force. A psychonaught’s mind, however, is a place of control. Morry... Coach Oleander... he has crafted his mind into his obstacle course, but is able to change the course as he sees fit to match the skill level of those he is training or testing. Agent Vodello similarly is able to create celebratory spaces and race courses. Both of these minds are still highly influenced by their experiences and base mental images, but due to their training both Morry and Milla are able to adjust at a moment’s notice.” 

Raz nodded, wondering about Sasha’s compact organized mind. That brought him back to his time at camp, and he was suddenly very curious. He raised his hand as high as he was able. 

Sasha noticed his pupil bouncing excitedly with his arm waving. “Yes?”

“So what was the deal with the Tumbler? If I could go into my own mind, or you could go into mine with the Psy-portal, what was the Tumbler being used for?” 

“Ah. A number of things. First of all, the Brain Tumbler is able to focus energy more readily than most are able to on their own, allowing you deeper access into your own mind, which is why at the camp we had begun to receive interference from other minds during our practice. It was also allowing me to monitor and communicate with you during the process. It is technically illegal for psychics to enter the mind of anyone under 18.” 

“Ooooh.”

“Now, as you may recall when you had entered my mind, I was able to visit you and guide you. I had entered into my own mind, as I will teach you to do.”

Raz’s hand shot up once more. 

“Yes Razputin?”

“Well, if you’re going to teach me to go into my own mind, but you’re not able to come into my mind... well, how are you gonna... I mean how will I learn to...?”

“Do not worry. As you are now a registered Psychonaut and I am your instructor, I have asked for explicit permission to avoid this particular law in order to guarantee your safety during this type of training. But first.” Sasha turned and began walking back into the house. “Would you set the table, Razputin? Dinner should be ready soon.” 

“Dinner?”Raz rolled onto his knees and scrambled up to his feet, turned, and began to follow as Sasha’s ashtray floated over his head to the man’s hand. “What are you making today?” Raz passed by Sasha and headed for the kitchen, pulling open a drawer and getting up onto his tip toes to find some silverware. 

“I was unfortunately too preoccupied to begin cooking this evening... but I have ordered some food for delivery instead.” Sasha watched as Raz carried two plates and a bundle of forks and knives to the table and began placing it as Sasha had shown him on the first night. His head turned as a single musical chime sounded from the front. “That must be it. You wait here, Razputin, and sit. I will return.” 

Raz scoot out his chair and hopped up into the seat, leaning back and letting his legs swing back and forth as he listened to Sasha walk across the hardwood floors to the door. He heard him speak with the delivery driver, close the door, and start walking back. The boy sat up a bit as Sasha came back, wondering what he’d ordered. “... ... You got us McDonnies!” Raz’s legs sped up in excitement as he scoot his butt to the front of his seat. “I dont think you’ve ever gotten ANY fast food before.”

“A bit salty for my tastes, usually, but I thought that you might enjoy.” Sasha brought in the large bag, dawning the overly large branding all over. He set it on the table, and pulled out a small colorful box, setting it on Raz’s plate. 

“A... A Giddy meal?” Raz shifted his eyes over to Sasha with a hint of a pout. “You know I’m not just a little kid any more, Sasha... I think I’m a little old for a Giddy meal...” Raz opened the box and looked in to see what kind of food Sasha had gotten him. 

“My apologies. If you’d prefer, next time i will-“

“AH!” Raz pulled a small plastic bag out of the box and held it over his head towards the light, looking at the small figure through the packaging. “It’s a model of Professor Oblongata’s mind drill from Psychic Detective Tales number 32! I wonder if they included the defective reversal switch Agent Milla used to compromise his plans!” Raz was already pulling at the plastic to get at the toy, having seemingly forgotten any previous embarrassment of getting a ‘children’s’ meal. 

Sasha grinned and pulled out his own meal, a large plastic tub filled with salad topped with chopped up Nuggets of chicken. It was as close to a proper meal as he could find on their menu. He stepped away to toss the delivery bag in the trash when Raz nearly tackled him in the doorway, small arms wrapped around his middle and squeezing. 

“Mmmm! Thank you thank you!” Raz tightened his grip for a moment, standing precariously on a misty thought bubble. 

Sasha hesitated to hug back, but placed his hand on the boy’s head gently. Soon Raz’s bubble popped and he fell to his feet, turning to run back to the table back to his new toy. Sasha watched for a moment, and then left to toss away the bag, and get himself a glass of wine to go with his McDonnie’s Salad. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“So... this is it, huh?” Raz lifted his goggles from his eyes and slipped his hands into his pockets. “It’s not very impressive, is it...?” Raz was looking around at a place he’d seen a few times. A large part of him had hoped it would have changed. A dark grassy field surrounded in black fog, with a single carnival cart parked right in the middle. 

“It is not about finding your thoughts impressive, Razputin.” Sasha stepped in from the fog, adjusting his glasses as he looked around. He rested his fingers on his chin as he took in the area, the first time he’d stepped inside of Raz’s mind himself, though he’d seen this area before through the Tumbler. “Interesting...” 

“Pft.. more like boring.” Raz kicked idly at the grass. “Maybe the reason my mind is so hard to crack is because there’s nothing in there worth seeing anyways.” 

“Pish. Razputin I’m disappointed. But not in the contents of your mind, but your sudden resolve to accept what you don’t fully understand as a lack of worth.” Sasha walked around the cart, studying as he went on. “The mental world will always be the most fascinating world to discover. As you learn about yourself and develop a true view of the world, your mind will grow. It will reflect your most base inner thoughts. Once that begins, it will be up to you to learn to control and organize these thoughts in a manner you deem fit. Like Oleander’s obstacles, or my organized mental cube.” Sasha glanced over to Raz, who was still looking a bit glum about his first viewing of his inner world. 

“I guess...” 

Sasha walked over and knelt down besides him. “Razputin, close your eyes.” 

“What? Why?” Raz looked at Sasha confused. 

“Just to show you something. Now close.” Once the boy had closed his eyes, Sasha stood once more. “Now tell me... what are you wearing?”

Raz felt his body stiffen and his ears go red. “Wh-what?”

“Your clothes. Tell me what you are wearing right now.” 

“U-um... My... My sweater?”

“Your outfit, describe it.” Sasha crossed his arms as he watched the boy consider why he was being asked such a seemingly random question. 

“Brown pants... and Jacket... Uh, my green sweater... and my cap and goggles.” 

“Good. Open your eyes.” Turning and gripping his wrist behind his back as he began walking again, Sasha continued. “And where are you right now in the real world?”

“I’m in be- Wait. I’m in bed. I’m in my pajamas.” Raz looked down as his brown jacket turned white and blue, becoming thin and buttoning down his front until he was standing in the sleep clothes Sasha had given him. 

“This world does not project what is real in the world, but your perception of it. You are always wearing your goggles when you dive into someone’s mind, so it is only logical that when we entered your mind world that you pictured yourself dressed as you normally are, not as you were in reality. Now.” Sasha stopped in front of the mist and gestured ahead of him. “Why dont you clear away some of this fog, and we see a bit more of your world?”

Raz took a few steps, now feeling the warm damp grass under his bare feet. He had very little to go on to complete the task, but If his belief and understanding of his clothes was so simply changed back and forth, then... Raz put his fingers to his head and gestured in front of him. 

“Relax, Razputin. This is your own mind, it will not take such efforts to change it as it would in a foreign one.” Sasha walked back to Raz and stood behind him, gently placing a hand on each shoulder and pushing the boy’s arms down by his side. “It’s about allowing yourself to believe, not about forcing a change. Easy.” 

Raz swallowed. “Easy. Just believe what you’ve never thought of before.” Raz took a breath and tried to shake out his hands, but Sasha once again rubbed down his arms, stilling him once again. The strength but tenderness in that touch was more than reassuring, but weirdly caring and... sensual. Raz felt weirdly good but exposed with Sasha so close, but closed his eyes for a moment and tried to focus. The fog would move. Or... expand. Shrink? Disappear? Did it matter? He thought to ask Sasha, but felt somewhere inside of him that he really knew. 

“Very good, Razputin.” 

Raz opened his eyes, lights reflecting in his emerald gaze now. Before them was a fire burning in a ring of stones, surrounded by a number of chopped log benches. The shadow of tress could be seen in the surrounding fog now, and the front of a small dorm cabin stuck out just into the clearing, the windows bright and inviting. “It’s... It’s the camp?”

“Interesting, but not very surprising. You spent most of your live traveling with your family in the circus, so your restricted view of life showed only what you were exposed to. But now you’ve built a foundation of relations and memories at Whispering Rock.” Sasha walked toward the cabin, his fingers back on his chin, deep in thought. 

Raz was processing what he was looking at when a smoke like image exited the fog, floating slowly across the grass. It glowed strangely, the image warping as it turned, seemingly a flat picture of himself in his Psychonauts official uniform. A figment. Raz reached out and touched the figment as it past him, wondering what it really meant. Did he still hold onto the comic book image of being a psychonaut? Is it a remnant of a memory, or an image still tucked away somewhere? He turned and then his face suddenly went white. Sasha had passed by the fire, and seemingly out of the fire was another figment, but this was very different. 

“I will not explore your mind without your permission, Razputin. But I am curious as to what memories you hold and how they effect your-“ Sasha began to turn to his pupil. 

“Wait! Look!” Raz panicked, and pointed off towards the cabin! 

“Hmm? Where?” Sasha turned just as the figment would have passed into his view. 

Raz quickly ran over and swiped his hands back and forth through the Smokey image. Why was THAT here!? He didn’t... He didn’t IMAGINE that kind of stuff! I mean... maybe just the once but... If Sasha had seen it...

“I dont see what you were seeing, Razputin.” Sasha turned and looked at the boy, who was flushed and slightly out of breath. 

“O-oh. Must have been nothing. You know? Just my imagination.” He forced himself to grin, rubbing the back of his head, but he soon felt the color fading from his cheeks again. As Sasha looked at him with interest and concern in his eyes, heart shaped figments began to form around his head behind him, followed by an image he’d seen in his previous dream. 

“Maybe we should-“

Before Sasha could turn around, Raz dashed forward and grabbed his hand. “You know what? I think I saw enough for now, this is a LOT to take in, and you said it yourself, I really need to take it easy with the psychic stuff, you know? Need to rest and relax and not think too hard and...stuff. SO! How do-“ Raz felt Sasha confusingly try to turn, so circled around and gave him a firm push from behind. “Hehe... How do I, ya know... get you out. AND ME! I mean, us... get us... How do we leave?” 

Sasha raised an eyebrow. “Just imagine more deeply that you are opening your eyes. Open your eyes Razputin.” 

Raz squeezes his eyes shut, and then thought of not JUST opening his eyes, but really really opening his eyes. He squinted one eye open slowly, seeing his sheets in front of him. He glanced around. He was in his room sitting up in his bed with his feet under the covers. “Wow...” 

“Yes...” Sasha’s voice made Raz jump and turn, the older man standing directly out of view behind him. “Are you okay?”

“Y-Yes! Fine fine. Just, ya know...” Raz faked a stretch and a yawn. “I’m just tired and, you know, I need my rest and stuff...You know?”

Sasha nodded. “You’re right, Razputin. Here.” He leaned forward toward’s Raz’s face.

Raz gulped and started to panic. What was he doing? Was he about to kiss him NOW!? What brought this on? Raz shut his eyes tightly and prepared himself, feeling his lips pucker...

Sasha leaned down, and carefully removed the small door looking Psy-portal from Raz’s forehead. “There.” Standing straight, he pocketed the device. “I will wish you a goodnight.” And with that, Sasha walked to the door, turning the light off and standing in the doorway, silhouetted by the hallway light. 

Raz sat frozen on the bed. He felt ashamed, but also a bit hot. He gulped. “Um... Thank you Sasha.”

“Of course. You be careful exploring your own thoughts. Do not go changing things. Your mind is powerful. You should observe and learn only. Soon I will teach you to organize and structure.” 

Raz nodded. “Okay. I’ll make sure not to move anything around.”

“Good night young Razputin.” 

“Night Sasha~” Raz yawned for real as the dark passed over him, the door silently closing. 

Sasha sighed and very quietly walked back to his room. He turned off the other lights in the house before heading into his room. The bed was still a mess from where Razputin had laid. The man sighed and sat at the edge of the bed, removing his shoes and placing them aside, walking to the hamper to drop his socks. He methodically removed his clothes, placing his glasses on the nightstand before hanging his sweater and trousers so they would not wrinkle. He stepped into his sleep pants and finally sat on the edge of the bed with a sigh. 

He had meant to be very thoughtful of Razputin’s privacy, but he had been able to feel the nervous tension as he walked, and he had noticed things. He’d pretended not to have seen, seeing how the boy reacted to seeing them himself. Sasha pulled open his covers and laid down in the center of the bed. He glanced down to the side, seeing in his mind exactly where the boy had laid just a few hours ago. He turned to his side with a sigh, his hand naturally falling in that spot. The image of the boy kissing him was... invigorating on its own. But having spend a good portion of the afternoon in his own mental world dusting away figments of similar and worse images only drove Sasha deeper into a feeling of want and fear. 

Everyone has intrusive thoughts, it is how we act upon those those or don’t act upon those thoughts that define our character. His thoughts were carefully organized, a well oiled machine, and these thoughts were easily and quickly either thrown out or put away. But these... and the knowledge of the boy having similar thoughts only acted to reinforce the images in his mind. 

Sasha rolled onto his back, his arms at his sides. Raz would have been right there, leaning against his side. Those dream filled eyes looking at him with such... passion. Devotion almost. It was wrong. Such innocence driving his thoughts to such vulgarities. 

He bit his lip. He would not be able to sleep. Sasha’s hand slipped over his lap, feeling the throbbing tent that taunted him, threatening to keep him up. He would work on this issue further in the morning, but he needed sleep... that was why he did not remove his hand. It was not to encourage these feelings, but to allow his mind to rest and focus, to resolve the issue. 

That’s what Sasha kept telling himself as figments filled his mind space, and his hand began to move.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chapter about talking about your feelings and being honest with yourself.

Raz took a deep breath, trying to ease the fluttering in his stomach and the tightness in his throat. He rubbed his nose, feeling almost like he was gonna sneeze, but knowing it was just his nerves , because the tips of his fingers were getting cold and everything just seemed off... It was dumb! It was simple, he just needed to say it all. Let it out, stop pretending and be honest. Everything would be okay. 

“So... ahem... Sasha...” Raz stopped and held his arms firmly at his sides, looking up at Sasha Nein, who sat on a log near the fireplace, the light reflecting off of his sunglasses. Raz felt one side of his body becoming hot from the fire, but he didn’t back away from it. 

“Razputen.” Sasha was giving him his full attention, his normally rigid expressions softened in the moaning air, moments before the sun rose, painted by the firelight.

Raz felt his face burning, but not from the smoldering flames. “A-ahem...” He swallowed down the lump in his throat that make it difficult to speak without his voice squeaking. “I uh... I wanted to talk about... what you... um... what you might have saw... o-or felt... or whatever... you know, after I passed out during training. Because... well, because I was having this dream... and I’m not sure if it really was... a dream...and...” Raz shook his head and stepped away to pace for just a moment, gently slapping his cheeks. 

“...Razputen-“

“I know I know, just... I need just a second.” Raz shook out his hands, turned around and stepped back in front of the adult. “Okay. I ‘dreamed’ you put me in your bed, stripped me down, and we kissed. And then I wake up in your bed all undressed and stuff, so... So I’m guessing that I... well, that I also kissed you. And I just wanted you to know that... you know, that that is okay... I mean, that, IF it’s okay, if... or how you feel about...” Raz bit his lip and once again turned away. “GUH, this is so stupid!” 

Sasha’s eyes followed Raz from behind his glasses. He remained silent, allowing the boy to gather his thoughts. 

“Okay... try again.” Raz bounced in place a few times, and then turned with new found dedication. “Sasha. I... You... You...” Nope, the words just weren’t there! He stomped up and climbed up the log Sasha was sitting on, finally standing up on the man’s lap, holding the man’s jacket lapels for balance. He felt himself hesitate and panic deep within, but Sasha made no move. 

“Razpu-“

Raz finally leaned forward and cut off the man’s statement with his lips. They pressed very firmly together, the boy’s face scrunched up in doubt and confusion. Sasha’s face remained soft, his hands remaining down, one holding his balance on the log, the other carefully holding his cigarette up to the side. Raz moved his kisses up Sasha’s cheek, kissing over and over again before just wrapping both arms around the man and squeezing, his face pressed into the crook of Sasha’s shoulder. 

Raz sniffled, his fingers gripping at the man’s jacket as he held the hug tightly. “Why.... why can’t this be easy?” He pressed his face against Sasha’s shoulder, trying to wipe away the threatening tears. “It’s... it’s not so wrong to want this... is it?” 

“Razputen...” 

As Sasha’s dulled voice repeated itself, a more echoing and stern voice seemed to echo through the air like a rumble of Thunder. “Razputen!” 

Raz opened his eyes in a moment of surprise, the light from the window held back by thick blinds, only slivered of the sun leaking in and streaking across the walls. He gulped and looked around his dark room for a moment as he sat up in his bed, his pillow stuffed behind him and his feet making small mounts in the sheets in front of him. 

Sasha’s voice came back again through his mind. “Razputin, are you awake?”

Raz quickly brought his hands up to his face, feeling the wetness on his cheeks and quickly rubbing it away. “Y-yeah!” He first stated out loud from habit, before reaching out with his mind. “I’m awake, sir!” 

“That is good. I seem to have slept in myself.” Sasha was carefully making his bed, sliding his hand over the sheets to flatten them as he mentally pulled them taught at each corner. “I will meet you in the kitchen at the top of the hour for breakfast. I want your hair and teeth brushes, your face washed, and your clothes clean. Remember, however you hold yourself-“

“Is how I hold the Psychonauts.” Raz removed his sheets and hopped out of bed, his feet leaving small steamy footprints on the cold hardwood floor on his way to the bathroom. He unbuttoned his pajamas on the way, leaving a trail of clothes leading to the bathroom, his underwear being tossed back as soon as he entered. 

Sasha finished his bed with a simple gesture, his duvet folding at the foot as his pillows fluffed up at the head. As he stretched his arms up over his head, Sasha felt his back softly crack, forcing out a morning groan. He walked with his hands in the pockets of his pajama pants towards the bathroom, and towards his oversized shower. 

Raz jumped under the powerful water spray before it had a chance to get hot. “Ah! C-c-c-cold...” He was in a rush however, and through chattering teeth he grabbed his oversized bottle of shower gel, pouring the green goop to pool in his free hand. The water was finally warming up by the time he began rubbing his hair full of green thick suds that dripped and spilled down the rest of his body. Raz’s imagination couldn’t help but imagine himself covered in green goopy suds, looking like a mad creature from one of his comics. He chuckled and silently zombie walked under the shower head with a tiny monstrous growl, hissing and ‘melting’ away under the chemical attack of the shower head. 

Sasha enjoyed his showers in two ways. Ice hold, or scaldingly hot. After last night’s difficulties, he needed ice cold. He felt his skin tighten under the chilled blasts, but with such a shocking wake up he moved quickly to his soaps. First a bottle of deep blue shampoo that tingled the scalp was lathered deeply, careful to not use too much that it dripped. Leaving that in, he moved onto the brown bar of spiced soap he enjoyed. After giving his more sensitive areas a good once over h engage his whole chest a full scrub before ringing it and his shampoo away. Finally he went for a second bar of scentless softer bar soap for his face, rubbing first vigorously between his hands, and eaten scrubbing around his nose, over his eyes, around his ears and down his neck before quickly rinsing and shutting down the uncomfortable stream. 

Raz stood on a small plastic stool in front of his bathroom mirror with a small towel wrapped around his waste to keep himself from dripping as he brushed his teeth with sparkly blue toothpaste advertised to zap away plaque and vaporize bad breath! Leaving his brush and paste tube in a cup by the sink, he quickly opened the medicine cabinet for his hair brush as well as a small cut out picture from the cover of an old magazine. Raz shut the mirror and started brushing his hair back and forth and finally parting it almost right down the middle, holding up the picture and squinting between it and his reflection. The picture of Sasha back then was a little blurry, but he could still make out that classy hair due, and made sure he looked as spot on as he could manage before giving himself a good through look... losing the courage once again to try his new style in front of anyone but himself, he quickly brushed everything to one side before putting the picture back in the cabinet and placing his brush right on top. 

Sasha always took very good care of his hair, as his father had taught him. He used a lotion conditioner before using a thick tinned comb to begin parting his hair as his blow drier floated up to help dry and set in place. With a small hand towel around his neck, Sasha carefully gave himself a wet shave with a warm single razor. He took his morning pills, gave himself some eye drops, brushed his teeth with white plain toothpaste, flossed, cleaned his ears, and finally sprayed a modicum of cologne before heading back to the bedroom. 

As Raz finally came into the kitchen wearing a clean black tee shirt and his olive pants, he found Sasha in a maroon turtleneck and dark nearly black pants already standing by the sink having a morning spoke. Sasha blew the smoke towards the open window, his cigarette staying in place as he walked to the table to have a seat. 

“Razputen, good morning.” He grabbed a box of bran cereal, filling a bowl. “How did you sleep?” Sasha kept his mind off of the images of figments in the boy’s mind world. Or at least he tried. 

“Yeah, I slept fine.” Raz pulled out the chair closest to Sasha and gave a small hop up to sit, reaching over the table for the box of Cocoa* Strawberry* Wheat* Puffs. It was advertised as ‘brain food’, and Raz has no idea why the title was filled with so many asterisks, but it must be linking scientific evidence of its nutritional qualities. He poured himself a bowl, watching as the milk almost instantly turned purple in fruity swirls. 

“Good.” Sasha quietly poured himself some milk. The two were relatively quiet for their breakfast. Normally Raz would have things on his mind, an excitement for upcoming lessons, even a remembered memory from one of his comic books he’d want to share. This morning, however, Sasha could sense his hesitance. He wanted to ask about what was bothering him, but remembering what he’d seen in the boy’s mind, knowing he was seeing that in his mind world as well, he was afraid that instigating such open conversation may fan the flames. Instead, he decided to get Raz’s mind focused elsewhere. “This morning you will start your prescribed rest. No mind lessons, no intensive workouts.” 

“Yessir...” Raz tapped his bowl with his spoon between bites, only half paying attention. He was afraid of how bored we was going to be, but also his mind kept drifting back to the Sasha he’d made in his mind for practice, remembering how hard it was to just say what he wanted, and how nice it was to embrace even if it was just pretend... 

Sasha noticed Raz wasn’t paying much attention, and decided he needed to force the issue. “As we wont be having our lesson, I will be focusing on some overdue Psychonauts reports. I will be in my office working most of the day, so I thought this would be a good opportunity for you to explore the grounds.” 

Raz raised his head a bit from staring down at his cereal. “The grounds? I’ve ran around your house a dozen times...” 

“But not around the property. My home sits on acres of forest land, similar to the land around Whispering Rock Summer camp. Being out in nature is... ... good for you.” Sasha recalled his personal dislike of outdoor adventuring even as a young man. Preferring the clean organized environment of a lab to the chaotic wild of the outdoors. But he knew the children all seemed to enjoy their time around the lake and hiking through the trees. “It will be good to stretch your legs gently, give you some perspective , fill your lungs with clean mountain air...” It did not pass Sasha unnoticed that even as he was saying this, he himself had pulled over his cigarette and was taking a drag, turning to once again blow towards the open window. 

“I guess... but maybe I can, I dunno... Maybe I can stay here with y-“

Sasha raised his hand for silence. “Today you will explore the grounds. You will rest your body and mind. I will catch up with paperwork.” Only half finished with his breakfast, Sasha stood and went to the sink, placing his bowl inside and making his way towards his office. “I know you will stay out of trouble, Razputin.” 

With that, Sasha left. He went into his office and nudged his door mostly closed, hanging ajar by only an inch. He removed his glasses to rub at the bridge of his nose. This was difficult, he was not able to let his mind be unaffected by recent discoveries. He needed help. For the next few minutes Sasha picked up folders and boxes that had been mailed to his home from Psychonauts HQ, organizing stacks of folders next to his computer, and others by an old typewriter. Eventually he heard Raz leave the kitchen, and shortly after the front door closing. Quite firmly as well. Sasha walked to the door of his office and peeked out into the empty hallway. He felt around the house with his mind, finding it empty. Assured he had some time without prying eyes, Sasha pulled out his rarely used cellphone, sending a text message. He was hoping she wasn’t busy... 

Pacing his office only for a minute, Sasha was delightfully surprised when his phone beeped, and a message from Milla had come in. ‘5 minutes darling, I will be there.’ 

Sasha sat with a comfortable sigh, pulling out his cigarette case, knowing that this was not going to be an easy conversation for him. He took the smoke into his lungs and closed his eyes, allowing himself to reach out into the Collective Unconsciousness. He walked to a familiarly plain door holding a placard of the Psychonauts insignia with the number 618 engraved in it, and gave a light knock before entering. This room was based in an empty space centralized within a mind in Psychonauts HQ, and was held for the private meeting of their agents. Sasha was happy when he saw his partner Milla Vodello already waiting for him. 

“Sasha, darling, I’m so happy to see you so soon again!” 

“And of course the same to you, Milla.” As Sasha had stepped into this space, his clothing reflected his professional demeanor, a dark jacket appearing over his sweater as well as his pristine leather gloves. 

Milla was of course just as professional in her own twisted way. Her violet and teal stripped outfit felt right at home in a 70s disco house with large looped earrings and a small white pillbox hat, matching the pale scarf hanging loosely over her shoulders. Her long normally free flowing hair was neatly yet loosely braided behind her, giving her a look of professionalism despite the bright colors. She gestured into the empty room, in which appeared two seats, one very plain and square, the other lavishly designed and gently reclined. They each took their respective seat. 

“So, darling, what is it you need help with. Surely Razputen’s training is going well.” 

“Yes... his mind is very strong, and he is very quick to learn. As long as he keeps his motivation and devotion to his goals, I see him becoming a full fledged agent relatively soon.” Sasha sit on the front half of his seat, his finger tapping excessively at his knee. 

“Yet something is bothering you. It is very rare for you to come to seek assistance. It’s hard enough to have you accept it when offered freely.” Milla crossed one leg over the other, lifting a hand to gently rest under her chin. “You are usually so stubborn.” 

“Mm.” Sasha gently nodded his agreement. No sense in arguing for any point of pride when she knew him so well. He only considered how best to approach this subject. He determined he could not quite paint the full picture without risking being trusted at all with his protege. He needed to be more subtle and vague. “Milla... you know that you can sometimes... that people can develop strong bonds to someone after a very short time?”

Milla lifted an eyebrow as she tried to decipher her partner’s meaning, and slowly nodded. “Yes, I suppose.”

“And you know that connecting bonds with someone over something innocent... a shared passion or interest, mutual respects, similar personal experiences... you know that these bonds can sometimes... change. Change into something more... for lack of better word, passionate?” Sasha was a professional, having been both the agent of and victim of heavy interrogation. He was very careful with his emotional state and the effect on his mind and body. His facial expressions were stern as always, though his finger continued tapping. The only hint of his discomfort was his lack of speech flow. Normally Sasha pre-calculated all of his words and thoughts before opening his mouth, but he seemed to be fighting to find the right path. 

Milla looked slightly uncomfortable. “I...yes. I suppose...” 

“Milla...” Sasha leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, looking over to his partner. “These feelings... They are more than just distracting. They are dangerous. I have no wish to end them, I feel the need to embrace them, chase them... but this is not something I think I can do. In my position... This is more than just what my fellow Psychonauts will think. I need to know how to move forward from this. I need your-“

“Sasha, stop.” Milla put up a firm hand, stopping Sasha mid sentence. In firm decisive motions Milla stood and placed two fingers between her eyes in thought. She held an expression of embarrassment and disappointment. “Sasha... you cannot be serious. After everything we’ve been through? I understand your life and mine are shaken and put in danger, but you cannot expect that we... that I...” Milla opened her eyes and stopped, seeing Sasha looking equally embarrassed but twice as confused. “... I thought...” She gestured weakly between the two of them. 

“Oh. Oh! Milla, no no, I’m sorry.” This actually brought a chuckle out of the man. “I don’t mean to be rude in the least, but after the last time we dated, I think neither of us are ready to go through that again.” The two shared a laugh as the tension finally broke. Milla took her seat once more and they continued, but Sasha felt more comfortable, and Milla more understanding. 

“So... have you found a new girl?” Milla gave a sly wink. “I’m your partner, Agent Nein, I deserve to know if you will have a potential damsel in distress.” 

“Agent Vodello, I dont believe you will ever have to worry about them.”

“Them eh? Well well.” Milla leaned back into her seat teasingly. “Interesting.” 

“Now, Milla, do not go reading into my words, or my mind. I am having enough troubles as it is.” Sasha grabbed for a cigarette. 

“Sasha, darling...” As Sasha lit his cigarette, Milla stood and walked over, kneeling at his side and put two gentle supportive hands on his arm. “We have been friends a long time. We had been more for a little while. And now we are partner agents. I like to think we know each other, and that we want what is best for each other, yes?”

“Of course.” Sasha left his smoke burning in his fingers as he held it aside. 

“I want to see you happy, even if it’s a risk to your heart. I want you to not be afraid to fall and shatter. To let yourself be honest not just with me, but with yourself, and this someone with whom your bond has grown. I want you to know that I... and Olly... and Agent Cruller... all of us will be here to support you.” Milla stood and placed her hand on the man’s head for just a moment before walking back towards the door. “Still the young man I met so long ago, sometimes. You will never cease to surprise me, darling. Now I must go back to my mission. Just promise me you will try to be honest with yourself. That’s all I can really ask.” 

Sasha did not watch Milla as she left. He nearly nodded as he finally brought the cigarette to his lips. He needed to think and consider. She knew that, and he knew that she knew. Sasha heard the door open and close, and for a few moments he was alone with his thoughts, allowing himself lower his own defenses for himself to consider what if he actually were honest about everything.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha has lots of work to catch up on, but Milla’s words are strong on his mind. He needed to be honest with himself about his feelings. But how? Raz, in the meantime, makes lunch.

Raz had been walking around Sasha’s forest property for a long while. He found a stick bug, two deer, and this really cool rock, but he still couldn’t let his mind get over his overlaying issue. Sasha. Raz wasn’t able to talk to him about his whole... thing. He kicked at loose rocks as he walked through the woods, the cool damp smell of the woods helping to clear his mind a little. 

Raz found the most awesome tree not too far off from the house. The trunk was big enough that you could probably hollow out a tunnel and drive a car through it if you wanted to. You could carve a small house in it! He walked around imagining what kind of animals probably made their homes through the tree when he noticed a cluster of protruding knots that would make for some great foot and hand holds leading right up to some strong looking branches. Raz couldn’t pass up such perfection, and in moments he was hanging from that lowest branch, hanging with his feet probably six or seven feet from the ground. He pulled himself up, easily reaching the next branch up. He only slowed down when he was settled on a particularly thick branch that sat at a point probably as tall as Sasha’a house. It seemed like basically the perfect place to just sit. Looking out from between the thin clumps of leaves, he could just see the path that lead back to Sasha’s, and he could see a far off plume of smoke from the chimney. 

Raz straddle the branch he was on and leaned back against the trunk, letting his arms rest and crossing his hands into his lap. His legs kicked slowly as they dangled under him. He finally let his mind wander once more, his fingers absently picking at the bark on the branch, playing an impossible game of ‘love me love me not’ in his head. Like... what if Sasha was okay with the whole...kiss thing?

Raz didn’t know when he’d closed his eyes or how long he’d been sitting up in the tree daydreaming, but it was his stomach growling that finally shook him from his impromptu mid afternoon nap. He stretched, quickly catching his balance as he nearly slipped from the branch he was sitting on, and made his way back down the tree. He wondered if Sasha would be done with work as he ran back to the house. He kicked off his muddy shoes at the door and made his way down the hall, where he could see the office door slightly ajar. 

Raz peeked inside, seeing Sasha’a back. The man was sitting at his deck, the sound of his keyboard filling the room with a hypnotic drone of steady clicks. Raz watched a while unnoticed as Sasha typed away before a page lifted from the pile on the man’s left and floated over to his right to rest face down on a second pile, the man never losing pace with his working. Raz leaned slowly into the office and glanced over to the wall to see the clock. It was nearly 1 o’clock, Sasha had been working for hours. He didn’t want to bother him, but deep down Raz really wanted to be helpful and show he wasn’t just a hindrance. Not just a student. He could be useful too... somehow. And with that thought, the boy grinned. He knew just what he could do! 

Raz backed out of the office and stepped quickly to the kitchen. Sasha didn’t even finish his breakfast, so he must be starving. And you have to make sure to eat, or your mind wont have the energy to work at peak efficiency. Sasha said so himself. So Raz would make them lunch! That way Sasha can keep working, and not skip out on a meal. 

He looked around in the fridge, finding an assortment of vegetables and meats, pushing them all aside until he found what he was looking for. He pulled out the dark purple jar of jam, setting it up on the counter before heading to the pantry. He found dry beans, pastas, cans of sauces and vegetables and...sauerkraut? Whatever that was.... Finally up on the high shelf he saw a jar of peanut butter and some sliced bread! It was too high to reach, even with a chair, and while he could climb it, he didn’t want to accidentally make too much noise and disturb Sasha. He knew he was suppose to be be resting his mind, but a little telekinesis wouldn’t hurt. 

With one hand resting fingers on his head, the other held out in front, Raz closed one eye to aim and stuck his tongue out the side of his mouth in concentration. He felt his mental grip on the peanut butter and watched the jar lift from the top shelf. Of course he could grab just the one and come back for bread, but he bet he could grab both at once. He imagined lifting an incorporeal finger to grab the sandwich bag, and gently pulled. The jar of peanut butter slowly floated forward, the bread dragging behind it, but Raz couldn’t see that the bag was also pulling at a number of cans. He continued to pulling gently and grinned as he saw the bread coming into full view, but his expression changed as some cans pulled off of the shelf and fell right down at him! 

With Raz’s trained instincts from the circus he was able to quickly catch a can of tomatoes before it hit the ground in one hand, and then a can of black beans before it hit his head with the other, but then the peanut butter was going to come crashing down! In a moment without thinking Raz tossed up the tomato can and caught the peanut butter, but now the tomatoes were going to come crashing down! He tossed the beans, and then the peanut butter, and then the tomatoes! He was caught for a moment in a panic induced juggle, the ordeal a complete distraction from the dislodged loaf of sourdough dangling precariously at the top of the pantry, which soon slipped down to join the rest of the fallen food items. Raz didn’t have time to panic further as he was pelted by the bread, falling on his butt and cringing at the sound of the cans and plastic jar of the peaut butter all came crashing down! 

He stopped... listened... a mix of embarrassment and fear ringing in his ears searching for a clue whether or not Sasha had heard. But nothing. The man must still be hard at work, distracted by the click clacking of his keyboard and the monotonous mountain of papers at his side. Raz sighed in relief and stood up, placing the cans on the counter to put back later, and tossing the bread and peanut butter up next to the jam. A careful thought produced a bubble over the boy’s head, which he quickly grabbed and pulled under his feet, balancing carefully in front of the counter. He placed the bread on the counter, accidentally ignoring the cutting board that hung on the wall in front of him, and produced a large butter knife from the drawer. He spread both pieces of bread with jam, and then went in for the peanut butter, unknowingly leaving chunks of boysenberry and bread crumbs behind. Topping each sandwich he sawed away at the crusts and carefully cut each sandwich into triangles before plating them up. 

Thinking that Sasha always promoted a balanced meal, Raz fetched an apple from the fridge and chopped it in half with the butter knife, placing a half on each plate. Finally he poured himself a glass of milk, contemplating what Sasha would drink with his meals. He looked around and considered his options, but he finally made the most logical choice. Coffee! Sasha was always sipping on coffee during meals. The man always used this large red machine. Raz had never used it before, but it couldn’t be THAT hard. You scoop the coffee, which was in a jar in the pantry, into the little metal up, put it in the machine, and press the button! Thankfully the coffee jar was on a low shelf. He scooped the coffee, attached the handle, put a large mug underneath, and pushed the button! He must have done something wrong though, because only a little bit of coffee came out. He was sure Sasha always had a full cup. Determined to get this right, Raz threw away the hot wet grounds, refilled the little metal cup, reattached the handle, and pressed the button again. Again, only a little bit came out, so he would just need to keep going. A few more times and the cup was finally just about full! He grabbed the coffee mug along with the rest of lunch, and carefully headed to Sasha’s office.

Raz carefully bumped the office door open with his hip, backing into the office with a carefully balanced plate in each hand, their drinks perched on top as their contents sloshed precariously close to the rim. “Hey uh...” Raz cleared his throat, his voice much softer than he’d intended. “H-hey Sasha?”

Sasha’s eyes had been focused on the latest sheet in front of him as his fingers flew over the keyboard, but he blinked away from the sheet as if backing out of a trance. His fingers stopped, and he slowly turned in his seat to see Raz standing with plates of food. “Razputin? You made... what time is it?” 

“Just after one. I thought you might be hungry.” Raz carefully walked forward, and Sasha was quick to step over and take one plate away so that the boy could use both hands and take a hold of his drink. “Thanks. I hope it’s okay.” Raz glanced around and decided to sit on one of the recliners that had a side table, resting his plate and glass down before hopping up to have a seat. 

Sasha looked at the meal. Raggedly decrusted bread slathered in thick globs of jam and peanut butter, a half an apple covered in crumbs, and a cup of nice dark coffee. “I dont know what to say.” He hadn’t noticed the time go by. Many days when Sasha got deep into his work he would forget to eat, it was not uncommon, but he did always feel weakened and sometimes ill the next morning. Sasha took his plate over towards the window, setting the plate on the sill and having a seat opposite of Raz to take a short break. “Thank you. I apologize for becoming so absorbed with my reports.”

“Psssssh it’s fiiiiine. What you do is important, Agent Nein!” Raz took a bite of his sandwich, pushing almost half of his first piece into his mouth, leaving the sides of his lips caked in jam. “An I as avin pun ousie!”

Sasha used his years of dealing with mad men to discern the strangely unique language of boy-with-mouth-full. “Ah, you had fun outside did you? Very good.” Sasha took a small bite of his overly sweet sandwich, much more delicately than the boy had, and then went to take a sip of his coffee. His face seized as the dark syrupy brew slid past his lips, so much darker and thicker than he had been imagining. He did his best to not let the surprise show on his face as he took a deep breath and swallowed the large mouthful of straight espresso. “Well... that’s enough caffeine for one afternoon.” He placed his coffee cup aside, deciding that in the morning he would teach the boy how to make a coffee with his machine properly. Then began questioning that decision, imagining Raz buzzing on chemical stimulants. 

Raz gently kicked his legs as he worked on his food, glancing over at the stacks of paperwork. “Hey Sasha? What are you working on, anyways?”

Sasha glanced over at his piles of work with a soft sigh. “A necessary evil. While I have nothing but the upmost respect for the organization of data brought in by our field agents, it is a step down from my normal duties of translating the massed data into cohesive theories of mission tactical effectiveness.” Taking a small bite of apple, Sasha looked over to Raz, who was nodding far too much. “Would you like me to explain a bit...” 

“Slower? Smaller words? Yes please.” Raz looked ready to learn, excited and enthusiastic, but with a hint of worry. 

“Don’t worry, young Razputin. Let me explain.” Through their lunch Sasha explained his current duty. Since he was out of the field for Raz’s training period, Sasha was assisting in the transcription of field reports by other active Psychonaut agents. He was receiving two types of information. The first was basic mission updates, which he needed to skim for particular details to be uploaded into their HQ archives and attach as many organizational tabs as possible to make sure that it was easily sorted and found with other reports of similar types. They could sort by agent on mission, location, opposing force, danger level to the populous, required psychic level for the mission, etc. The other type were highly classified hand written reports that needed to be documented by typewriter in order to be stored with two physical copies and no digital footprint to be hacked. They took much longer to do because not only did you need to type the info in full by typewriter, but also you were transcribing handwritten documents, which can sometimes be near impossible given the handwriting. 

By the time Sasha had explained his work, the two had finished their lunch, and Raz was sitting at the kitchen table as Sasha made quick work cleaning up the kitchen. Raz was nodding along, finally understanding how important but dulling such work could be... but at the same time he’d love to be reading through all of the reports himself. It would be like reading a first hand account of the kind of missions that appeared in True Psychic Tales Magazine! 

Sasha had slipped his mug of espresso out of the office and poured it down the sink while Raz was not looking, and with a quick rinse was ready to make himself an actual coffee. A double espresso cappuccino with steamed whole milk, poured into a spiral pattern, topped with a small bit of shaved dark chocolate. Coffee was of course the second most important meal of the day. He was about to suggest a new activity to Raz to keep the boy busy when he spoke up first. 

“Say, Sasha. You said that a bunch of those reports aren’t classified, yeah?”

“Correct. Those entered into the Psychonauts HQ Computer Archives.” 

“Well...” Raz turned in his seat and hopped down walking over to Sasha in the hall. “I was thinking... maybe I could help!”

“Hmm?” Sasha hesitated, and then rested a finger on his chin. “Hmm... I suppose you are an official Psychonaut cadet, and your clearance would cover basic agent reports.” 

“Yeah!” Raz bounced excitedly where he stood. “So since we can’t do MENTAL training, maybe you could show me how to do this, and then not only will I be a step closer to doing real Psychonaut work, but I can help you get through it all faster!” 

“Yes, that is a very good observation, Razputin. I’m sure you would be a very worthy and helpful assistant.” 

The words made Raz’s eyes shimmer as he forced himself to stand up straight and give a short salute. “I promise I wont let you down Agent Nein!” 

“Hehe, I’m sure you will not, young man. Come, let us get you set up, and we can put you to work.” Sasha lead Raz back into the office. With a swipe of his hand, Sasha shifted a mound of papers in neat stacks on his writing desk, creating a space for Raz to sit. He retrieved a laptop from his main desk and set it up for the boy, and began setting him up. 

Raz’s expression started to change as Sasha helped him prepare. The professional agent quickly set up his workspace profile, Psychonauts official account login, email, he created a number of shortcuts on the desktop, and finally opened up his archives linked account. 

“Now, Razputin, as you haven’t created or uploaded any of these archived reports yet, I will have you start up documenting the appropriate information on a separate form here...” he opened up a separate program that wasn’t connected directly to the archives, “and I will look through your reports briefly before we upload them all together. Once you’re comfortable with them, you can begin uploading them all directly. You understand?” 

“Y...” Raz felt his head spinning. “Y...yeah, sure! I mean, it’s just... writing up what’s already on the page, right...?”

“Very good. Here.” Sasha reached over and placed a large stack of papers next to the laptop. “You can start with these. Just let me know if you have any questions.” With that, the man walked back over to his desk, where his stack of papers were all handwritten accounts and would take his upmost attention. He took a seat and glanced at his papers before realizing something. He turned. “Razputin?”

“Uh, y-yes sir?” Raz turned in his seat, accidentally spinning the chair a bit too much and kicking himself bit by bit to face his instructor. 

“Send me an email from your account. Just a quick test message to make sure your profile is through the system.” 

“O-okay... I’ll just um...” Raz turned to the computer. He could do this.

Sasha waited for a moment, leaned over towards his computer screen as he watched for the new message to come through. After a few moments, the man turned his head and looked over to Raz. The boy was using two fingers to try and tap at the arrows, looking for how to open his emails. “... Razputin?”

“I, uh...I got it, just... just let me, uh...” He clicked again, biting his lip hard. 

Sasha stood up and quietly walked behind the boy to look at his screen, wondering if he was having a technical issue. The screen looked alright. He glanced down at Raz, however, and saw that nothing was alright. “Razputin.”

Raz cringed and slowly looked up at Sasha was a deathly embarrassed look on his face. “I... I dont... I’ve never...” He looked like he was on the verge of crying. 

It took Sasha only a moment to start piecing things together. “You’ve never used a computer.” Sasha nodded as Raz turned away to look at the screen again in shameful defeat. “Razputin, had your parents never taught you the basics of computer science?”

“W-we... we were always on the road... and, and...” He sniffed as he wrung his hands in his lap. “And we were always practicing for the circus... so...” 

Sasha rested a large comforting hand on the boy’s back, making Raz jump initially. “Don’t worry. Take a breath, Razputin.” Sasha removed the stack of paperwork, causing Raz to look back alarmed. Sasha pat his back once more. “This will come later. It will keep. For now, here.” He turned Raz’s chair to face the screen. “Back straight, do not slouch. Long periods of time in front of the screen will damage your back if you slouch. Now use this hand to move the mouse.” Sasha lifted Raz’s hand by the wrist and guided his motions. 

Raz began to blush deeply as Sasha’s hand easily covered his as they moved the mouse back and forth. Over the next hour Raz received slow but detailed lessons on the basics of using a computer. He learned how to guide himself through programs, how to open and save documents, how to open the internet and how it connected him to a wealth of information and tools, and then began to help him to type. As Raz began search for letters to spell out words, Sasha would lean over and touch his hands to relax them and rest all of his fingers on the keyboard. After some struggling, Sasha came up with a new plan. He downloaded a special program just for Raz. 

“Wow...So I just...” 

Sasha nodded. “Follow the pictures on the screen. Middle finger should be used for that group of letters as you type. Use your thumbs to hit the space bar. This will start slowly.” 

“And if I get the words right, I’ll shoot the zombies?” Raz’s eyes his widened in awe as the image of slow shuffling zombies with words typed over their heads moved their way from one side of the screen towards his character, a gruff looking man in an official Psychonauts uniform. Raz quickly searched for each letter, glancing at the screen to make sure he was using the correct finger to hit each one. As he began the word, the character started charging a mind blast, and as Raz hit the Spacebar at the end, he blasted the first zombie, who’s head exploded! “Ah, sick!” Raz found himself on the edge of his seat.

Sasha grinned and straightened himself. “Very good, Razputin. Now you practice.” He placed his hand on the boy’s head and slowly ruffled his hair. “You’ve already learned a lot today. I’m very proud of you.” 

Raz didn’t even notice as the zombies crawled towards him and began to eat the main character. He felt his cheeks burn and his eyes become unfocused as Sasha’s praise sank in. “Th-thanks, Sasha...” 

“Of course. Now, try again. I shall watch and make sure you are getting the hang of it.” 

Raz nodded and turned back to his screen, but before he started he quickly came back to Sasha. “Wait... but you have so much work to do. I dont want to make you distracted or...” 

Sasha had raised his hand for silence. “Nonsense Razputin. Your education and well-being are far more important. Come.” Sasha rested his hands on the boy’s shoulders and turned him back to the screen. “Relax your shoulders, back straight, eyes forward. Try again.” 

Over the next hour Raz was shooting zombies left and right, becoming slowly more confident in his typing. They took a small break for water and a stretch, and then when they came back, Sasha had replaced the game with a spreadsheet. He once again pointed out where Raz needed to enter what information from the documents, and gave him his first report. Raz excitedly read through the report looking for the keywords Sasha had shown him. This first report was about an agent who had been working undercover in a large corporation looking for anyone using psychic abilities to manipulate the inner workings of the company, and has yet to find any evidence of wrong-doing. An overall very boring report, but he was able to find the relevant info and type each part in, still typing nice and slowly, using the mouse to check each box before clicking ‘save’ and opening the next document. As he typed through, Sasha had leaned over his shoulder to glance between the report and the screen. Raz had hesitated at first with Sasha’s face so close to his, but as the man pointed out a small error, Raz was quick to regain his focus and make the correction. 

“Very good, Razputin.” Sasha pat the boy’s head once again and rested a small stack of papers for him to work on to the side, as he finally left the boy to work and went to his typewriter. For hours the two worked together, Sasha getting up from time to time to look over what Raz had done. Eventually the boy was squinting at his screen, fighting back a borage of yawns that would not leave him alone. Sasha finally had the boy save his work and get ready for bed. 

“But...” Raz rubbed his eyes and glanced over at the boxes of documents next to Sasha’s desk. “But we haven’t finished. I can still-“

“You can continue tomorrow. I can’t have you making mistakes because you’re tired. Come.” He pulled Raz’s chair out, and walked him to his room. “You did very well today, Razputin.”

“Well... you had to help me a lot.” Raz rubbed at his arm as he walked into his bedroom and towards his bathroom to brush his teeth. He turned around before entering to talk with Sasha before he turned in. 

“I can only show you the tools, Razputin. You have embraced every lesson with gusto. I could not ask for a better student.” Sasha removed a cigarette from his case, planning on a smoke break before getting back to work. “Tomorrow you have one more day of rest, so we will go through some more reports. After such hard work, I’m sure you will sleep easily tonight.” 

“Hehe, you bet.” Raz waited by the door in silence a while, waiting for one of them to say something else. They both seemed to have something more to say without really having the words to say it. “Um... goodnight, Sasha.” 

“Goodnight young Razputin.” Sasha backed away and slowly closed the boy’s door. He sighed, and walked out towards the back patio for his smoke. 

Razputin got himself ready for bed quickly, washing his face with hand soap and brushing his teeth before leaving a trail of clothes to his bed, not even buttoning his pajamas as he hopped in. He turned off the light and laid back, determined to visit his own mental world before going to sleep. Tomorrow he’d tell Sasha for sure... he just needed a little more practice. 

Sasha could not afford to sleep quite yet. He still had hours of work to catch up with before he felt he could comfortably quit for the night. He moved from page to page in his dimly lit office, his typewriter clacking away as his eyes became unfocused on his work. His body moved through the motions, transcribing data from one point to another, but slowly he was sinking inwards into his own mind...

Sasha sat in his mind space, his carefully constructed world of densely organized thoughts and memories surrounded by a vast seemingly empty space, everything fit meticulously together in a precise and carefully constructed pattern. He sat upon the edge of a psychiatrist’s reclined chair, his fingers all pressed together tip to tip in front of him, deep in thought. He sat in silence, his index fingers lifting to tap each other in a slow rhythm as he watched the form of young Razputin standing before him. 

This was not really Razputin, but a representation of him constructed in Sasha’s mind. As he considered what he had been experiencing the last few days, he needed to force himself not to deny, but to accept and explore, if he wanted to understand enough to deal with the situation. He had been looking at this vision for a while in silence, and only was just realizing that his mental image of Raz was wearing his own style of jacket from when he was a young cadet, but with his sunglasses replaced with goggles, which rested on the boy’s forehead. Raz reminded him so much of himself at that age. The boy gently bounced in place, silent as he waited for Sasha to decide what he could say. What he needed to say. 

As Sasha waited, the image of Raz finally stepped a bit closed. “Sasha?” Apparently Sasha was unable to breach the conversation himself, he coldly diagnosed of his own mental actions. “Sasha, why are you always pushing me away?”

Sasha felt a lump in his throat growing tightly. “I... I am not pushing you away, Razputin. Not exactly. I’m just not... letting you fully inside.” He looked back at how he had treated the boy over the last few days. He gives Razputin a wealth of knowledge and experience, teaches him... they have even had moments of closeness. Simple true conversations, a sharing of minds and moments. But every time things became too much, too close... Sasha was quick to retreat. Back to his work, back into his own mind. 

Raz shuffled his feet a bit, kicking at the pattered block of land in this expansive mind. “I though you cared about me...” 

“I do.” Sasha looked over his fingers at the boy, feeling himself seemingly weaken in his resolve as he looked at him. “Perhaps... Perhaps I care more than I should.” 

Raz tilted his head a bit and took a step closer. “Shouldn’t you always care deeply for your student, Sasha? You need to raise them. Teach them. Protect them...” 

Sasha nodded slowly. “Yes... but I am feeling too much towards you.” 

“Is it because I’m a boy?” Raz stepped closer, walking behind the chair as he spoke. “Because you dated Milla... maybe you’re afraid of liking another boy. Would it be better if I were a girl?” As Raz came back into view, his hair was longer, his goggles now hanging around his neck, his body more shapely, lips more full. Raz’s voice had gone up in pitch and their hands rested on Sasha’s leg. “Would this make it easier?”

Sasha felt himself tense up. He felt himself trying to work through this problem logically, but the changes made him repulse back. “No... that does not make things easier...” 

“No~?” Raz continued walking around, Sasha avoiding looking even as within his own mind he knew what was changing around him. He shut his eyes firmly as he felt Raz kneeling in front of him, his voice lower. “What about if I were older? Would that make it easier, Sasha?”

Sasha’a hands shook as he took in a deep breath and raised his eyes to see Razputin as he imagined him as an older teen... perhaps graduating high school. He was taller, his face thinned slightly, same eyes and same rosy color to his nose, stuck out ears... “This... would be less... complicated.” 

“Less complicated.” Razputin’s older version repeated and stood, stepping back as he slowly shrank back into Sasha’s most accurate memory of the boy’s looks. “But not what you really want.” 

Sasha sighed and lifted his glasses to rub at his eyes. “What I want...” 

“What DO you want, Sasha?” Raz brought his hands back, clasping his wrist as he shifted from side to side. It looked unnatural, Sasha knew this wasn’t what Raz would really do... but it was cutely innocent. Cliche, in all honesty. “Would it be better if I could tell you that I felt the same way?”

“...” Sasha felt his cheeks stain red. 

“Hmmm... So this is where you draw your line, Sasha Nein?” Raz stepped forward again and placed a hand on either knee, leaning down to try to look up between Sasha’s hands at his face. “You want me to tell you how you feel first before you can admit it back? Hehe... how childish.” 

Sasha knew he was accurately insulting himself, but still felt an embarrassed twinge. He felt Raz rising his head from below, forcing Sasha’s hands open, his arms falling onto the boy’s shoulders as they looked at each other. Sasha gulped. “... .... Do you think you could?”

“In here?” Raz grinned slyly, slowly leaning forward onto his tip toes. Sasha leaned away, but Raz followed, crawling up into his lap, straddling him, pressing their fronts together. “Sasha, in here I can do whatever you want. In here you and I can act without consequence.” Raz reached up with both hands, taking Sasha’a glasses from his face and releasing them, letting them float away and fade from his own thoughts. “Make me say it.”

Sasha bit his lip. “I... I can’t.”

“You can. You have to. If you dont...” 

In a moment of frustration and loss of self control, Sasha leaned forward and pressed his lips to Raz’s. His eyes closed, but even in his mental world his senses doubled, smelling the cheap soap, sweat, and even the peanut butter from the day’s lunch on Raz’s face. This wasn’t Raz, Sasha had to continuously remind himself even as his chest thumped like a jackhammer, his skin sweating, his blood heating up. He tried to end the kiss, releasing his lips and leaning back, but he felt the small bold tongue of his student slip past his lips as he pressed back together. He felt Raz’s need as his own, the break down of the wall he he had built between them like a dam collapsing under the sheer weight of the water it held back. 

Sasha brought his hand up to pet at Raz’s back, rubbing up and down encouragingly, his fingers pulling at the back of his jacket. But it was okay... Raz wanted it. He said... no, he hadn’t said... but this wasn’t... there were no consequences here. No consequences other than being forced to face what you are, and what you want, and what you feel you desperately need. Sasha’s hand slipped up Raz’s shirt, which melted from existence within this world. Sasha felt himself fill wish shame and a burning hatred for what he was doing, but he leaned forward, pushing Raz down as the world around them changed, the boy falling back onto a bed. His bed. 

Sasha leaned over him, held up by his arms looking down at the boy as he remembered him from that first night. The boy’s face was flush was lustful exhaustion, eyes half shut, cheeks colored with a light blush, and looking right at him, reaching up at him, tenting in his underwear. That night Raz had kissed him... it had been so awkward, but so innocent, and so wanting, as if he were kissing a dream. And Sasha could do nothing. He had felt sick at the visions that passed through his mind, which now flashed back in abundance. But... this was not Raz. Here he was safe. Here there were no consequences. 

“A-ah... Sasha... please...” Raz gasped as Sasha leaned down and kissed his chest. It started only as a kiss, but the man was finally released from the carefully constructed rules he guided his own actions by, and soon the kiss became hungry wanting licks across Raz’s chest, feeling the smooth hairless skin under his tongue. He tasted the bits of sweat, and only what he imaged the boy smelled like up close. As he kissed the boy’s nipple, pinching it gently between his lips, he felt Raz’s cool small fingers slip into his hair, holding him encouragingly. “Sasha... yes...” The voice pushed him on. He fought to follow the words, feeling his body shivering as he fought to find the truth between what he wanted and what was real.

Sasha’s lips left a trail of kisses down Raz’s stomach, those ever present hands on his head pushing down further, wanting more... Raz’s lustful wanting reflecting Sasha’s own perversive thoughts. He kissed over the straining underwear, feeling the throb under his lips, listening to Raz’s whimpering voice catch in his throat. He moved on to the boy’s inner thigh, kissing more, wanting more. 

His lips kissed down Raz’s leg. “I... I dont...” Sasha’s breaths were shaking as he kissed every inch of the boy, down his leg to his calves, holding his ankle as he even kissed the boy’s foot. “I don’t... want just this. I... It’s not about... this. I feel...I...” 

Raz’s foot moved under Sasha’s chin and lifted his face slowly to look at him. Sasha’s face was streaking with tears, his own fears and doubt being torn open, forcing himself to face them head on. He felt this need to... take advantage of this situation. As Raz lay before him, exposed, trusting, wanting... he wanted to abuse that trust, to make him give in to that wanting... but that was raw unfiltered desire. What he felt was more, and as he was forced to look down at Raz as he was, he felt it. Raz held his gaze, a passionate blushed face smiling up at him. “Tell me...” 

“I... I love you Razputin.” Sasha gently moved the boy’s foot out of the way, leaning down and quickly pressing his lips back to Raz’s, feeling their tongues meet as something inside of him unlocked, broke open, and spilled out inside of him. This wasn’t a lustful desire, dirtied by the wrongfulness of it all and the gross opportunity of a trusting attractive boy. This was a deep unabashed craving for love to not be one sided. To show and give the same trust and support and love as he felt washing over him. 

Sasha felt Raz’s cool hands on his chest, and only realized that as his wants and desires became clear, he had become completely exposed along with Raz. Their bodies were pressed together, and Raz was looking at him totally and unashamed. “Sasha...Love me. Show me that you love me... Please...Now...” 

Sasha’s mind flashed with images, passions, lustful and honest fantasies. He felt the images clearly for the first time, and allowed himself to explore, release the frustrations he’s been holding in. The images slowly shrank away, still clear like a decoded message, but now it was time to put them away. They grew dark until the safe door closed, the dial spinning as the lock clicked solidly in place. The memory vault stood and shook, as a dog would shake off sleep, before running off beyond the strange square horizon of Sasha’s mind. Sasha himself sat on the edge of the psychiatrists chair, his hands held together in front of his face, deep in thought. This was an effective exercise in the organization of his mind world. He felt he understood more about himself. He did not know what he needed to do directly, but he felt steps had been taken. He sat back and turned, lifting his feet into the reclined seat, laying his had back and closing his eyes. This required further contemplation, but his mind and body were becoming so tired. He would just relax for a moment. He still had work to finish... 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

“S-sasha?” Raz whispered from the open door of the office. The boy had buttoned up his pajamas and had been sleeping when he’d got a sudden need for a drink. Noticing the door was open and the light was still on, Raz slowly opened the door, holding his glass of water as he peeked inside. 

Sasha was at his desk, leaning forward with his head resting on his folded arms. A large stack of papers had been moved from one side of the desk to the other, a few still remaining next to him. The man’s back slowly rose and fell with each breath. 

Raz thought about waking the man up and helping him over to the bedroom, but he imagined Sasha would want to get right back to work. Sasha had told him that he needed to rest his mind, or else he would over exert himself, and was on prescribed rest. Well, Sasha definitely needed some rest. Raz carefully placed his cup of water on his own desk before carefully moving on tip toe down the hall back to his room. It was warm enough in the house to not need a blanket AND a quilt, so he gathered up the old worn thing into a ball and carried it down to the office. Standing carefully on a thought bubble, Raz gently rested the thick covers over Sasha’s shoulders, and then as slowly as he could he removed the man’s glasses, folding them closed and placing them nearby. 

Raz caught himself wondering if Sasha was having any dreams. He blushed with a small grin pulling at his face, imagining if he just popped into Sasha’s dreams to say hello. He decided against it, and instead leaned over to place a soft kiss on the man’s stubbly cheek. He whispered softly, “Good night Sasha Nein.” As quietly as he came in, the boy left, taking his water, turning off the lights, and closing the door.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally free to consider his own feelings towards Razputin, Sasha now only needs to TELL him...

“Ah...ah! Razputin...!” Sasha clenched his jaw, forcing himself to breathe as his body tensed. 

“Man, Sasha, you’re so tight... I don’t think I can-“

“You’re doing great... Ah... harder. Please...” 

“If you think you can take it, Sasha...” Raz shifted his position and gently rocked back and forth, increasing his speed just a bit. 

Sasha gasped as his fingers clawed at his sheets, gripping them tightly as he breathed heavily into his pillow. “R-right...right there... right there, Razputin...!”

“Take a deep breath... relax...” Raz pushed forward and held himself firmly, pressing harder little by little, just a little bit deeper until-

Crack!! “Aaaaah...” Sasha’s whole body nearly went limp. “That was it...” 

Raz carefully shifted his bare feet along Sasha’s back, his arms out at his sides as he balanced precariously on top of him. “Wow, Sasha, if I’d had known sleeping in a chair would make you this stiff, I’d have brought you to bed.” Raz very slowly walked up and down the agent’s back, his feet pressing into the thick cotton of his sweater, feeling as tight muscles relaxed with the pressure. 

“My fault, Razputin. I’ve been telling you to be aware of your own limits, yet had ignored my own.” Sasha sighed contently as Raz’s weight shifted on top of him, an awkward but pleasantly strong massage that had been desperately needed after the poorly positioned sleep he had the previous night. “That is plenty...” He reached an arm to his side and patted the bed. “Thank you, young man.” 

“If you’re sure.” Raz balanced himself before raising his arms over his head, and then let himself fall to the side, catching the mattress under his palm and cartwheeling slowly to the floor, landing on bent knees. As professional as ever. “You want me to go make us breakfast?” Raz went onto his tiptoes to look over the mattress at Sasha’s relieved and slightly flushed face. 

Memories of the kitchen after simple peanut butter sandwiches came to mind, and Sasha quickly responded. “No... no, I will get up and make us something.” With a slight grunt Sasha rolled to his back on the edge of the bed and swung his legs over to sit up, the kink of pain in his back all but gone after that delightful pop. “You should take some of this time to practice your typing.” 

“Oh oh, can I play the zombie game!?” Raz pumped his fits excitedly in front of him. “Can you help me load it up?”

“Of course of course... go sit, I’ll be there in a moment.” 

“Yeah!” Raz ran out of Sasha’s room, his bare feet thudding softly and quickly across the hardwood floor towards the office. 

Sasha turned and stretched his neck from side to side before standing and slipping his glasses back over his eyes. Despite the horrible pain come the morning, he had slept better than he had in days, a large weight of confusion and guilt having been lifted from his subconscious shoulders. He’d decided last night that his feelings for Razputen were... well, while they were not wholly pure, they were not the lustful cravings of a dirty old man either. Knowing that Raz had similar feelings deep down, or at the very least that the boy had imagined them in such ways very positively, gave Sasha a very clear view of the path before him. He would not repeat certain mistakes of his past, and would not let this feeling be completely hidden away until it left empty ashes inside of him. He would expose these embers and give them at least a chance to grow into a flame. 

With this newfound positivity, Sasha made breakfast. After, of course, he opened up Raz’s game for him to practice his typing. Allowing his inspiration to guide him, Sasha boiled a few eggs, brought out some small jars of preserves along with some dark bread to toast, and rolled a few pieces of some smoked ham, all of which he’d procured from a German market he was fond of. It was a bit more expensive than he’d normally spend on such things, but on days like this sometimes Sasha yearned for a taste of home. He plated up everything, using a large plain toast rack to hold the bread between his and Raz’s seat with the jars of preserves and a plate of butter alongside them, and sliced two eggs each onto a plate with some rolls of ham. He called for Raz as he poured them each some orange juice. 

“Oh wow, this is different.” Raz hopped up into his seat to check out his spread. As Sasha sat to eat, Raz stood in his chair and reached over for some rye toast before putting together a mini breakfast sandwich. “What kind of meat is this?”

“Schwarzwaelderschinken.” Sasha was spreading a thin layer of butter on his own toast before reaching for some strawberry preserves, and then noticed Raz looking very suspiciously at his sandwich. “It’s smoked ham, Razputen.” 

“Ooooooh. Why didn’t you SAY so?” 

Sasha chuckled as they ate together. He let his mind wander back into his own fantasies, this kind of moment being exactly what he wanted. Raz kicking his feet under the table, enjoying each other’s company... he did not bury the thought of kissing the boy in his mind as before, but did his best to hide his reaction as the image formed in his head. 

Once breakfast was over, the boys both moved into the office. Sasha had only a few more reports to complete, and Raz was happy to help with any he was able to type up. They both got to work, the room soon filled with the sound of the clicking the keyboard and the heavier clacking of the typewriter. A few times Raz called Sasha to his side to ask him about what he should be reporting down, and it was always a good excuse to place a hand on the boy’s shoulder for a few moments. Sasha was soon complete with his work, and quickly filed everything away and cleaned up his desk. 

“I am going to have a smoke.” Sasha came up once more behind Raz. “You will be fine finishing your work?” He glanced down, only a few more pages on Raz’s desk. 

“No problem!” Raz linked his fingers and flexed them over his head, a very quiet pop sounding. 

Sasha tapped Raz’s head. “Don’t crack your knuckles. It’s bad for your joints.” Without thinking, Sasha leaned down and kissed the boy’s head before walking to the door. “I will be on the patio, if you need me.” 

Raz hesitated and placed his head on his head where Sasha had kissed him, watching him leave. He had been hoping to get a chance on the computer alone all morning, but that random gesture distracted him for a moment, yet strengthened his need to actually do some research. 

“Okay... internet... Sasha says you have all kinds of knowledge on all kinds of things. But do you know this? ... ... Wait where are you?” Raz looked from icon to icon before he finally found the icon for the internet, as he knew it. Just like Sasha had said before, he can type in key words to research information gathered from all over the world. Surely he wasn’t the only boy on the planet with these kinds of questions. “Okay... let’s see.” He began to type. “Boy... Love... Man.” Someone must know if his feelings for Sasha were normal and how to handle it. He walked over to the doorway and peeked down the hall, making sure Sasha was outside before he came back and clicked enter. A number of links popped up. The first one looked like it was partially censored, there were a whole bunch of x’s blocking the title. “Well well, what are we trying to hide here, huh?” He clicked the link. 

Raz’s computer game used sound, and Sasha turned up the volume to let him enjoy the squelching brains of the undead while he learned to type up different words. Unfortunately Sasha hadn’t shown him where he’d adjusted the volume, because as soon as he had clicked the link for his ‘Boy Love Man’ research, the speakers let out a plethora of load moans, gasps, whimpers, and wet slapping squelches! Raz reached out and quickly grabbed for the speakers, trying to cover them up as his screen started to fill with videos of.... wow! That was NOT what he was expecting to find! Older men ranging from college age to almost retirement age all with boy MUCH younger, all of them groping, licking... “Holy Macaroni!” 

“Razputen!” Sasha called from the patio. “Would you mind turning the volume down on your game?”

“Y-yeah! Uh...Yes! My game. I’ll just... Hold on!” Raz panicked as he tried closing window after window, each one seemingly only opening more! He was pounding at the keyboard, hitting escape... finally he grabbed for the plug and yanked! The whole computer shut down, the noises stopped, and Raz stood there panting. MANY more questions than what he had started with... 

Through trial and error Raz was able to get the computer plugged in and turned back on, and thanks to Sasha’s training he was smart enough to have saved all of his work before exploring online. He began to type up the next report when Sasha came into the doorway. 

“Razputen. It’s a nice afternoon outside. When you are finished, I was going to go for a walk. Would you like to join me?” 

Raz looked up from the computer. “A walk? Thats so unlike you Sasha.” The boy looked around somewhat suspiciously. “Is this... some kind of training?”

Sasha lifted an eyebrow. “No. Just a walk.” 

“Just a walk?”

“Just a walk.” 

“Hmm...” 

Sasha sighed, scratching the back of his neck. “I mean... also I wanted to talk.”

“Oh?” Raz grinned smugly, as if figuring out secret true intentions. “What can big bad Sasha Nein have to talk about that he needs to take me out into the woods to say, huh~?”

Sasha did his best to hide his blush by turning in the doorway. With practiced attention he said very coldly, “If you would rather stay here...” 

“Ah, no, I was teasing!” Raz chuckled and hopped down from his seat. “Let me get my shoes.” 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sasha knew where he wanted to take Raz on their walk, ignoring the path in front of his house and cutting in through the trees. It was rare that Sasha left the nice clean path, and was even rare that he walked out into the property of his home at all preferring to either stay inside or drive wherever he needed to go. Sometimes, however, an office or a laboratory wasn’t enough to clear his head and he’d walk these woods to prompt a restart in his train of thought. 

“Hey Sasha?” Raz criss crossed behind his mentor, jumping onto rocks, swinging on the lower branches of trees, and hopping over clumps of mushrooms or weeds as he went. “Can you like... use your psychic powers on animals?”

“Hmm... there are many who are able to use the relative weak minds of animals, but it takes practice in a controlled environment.” Sasha thought back to times he had tried to use clairvoyance on a shrimp that gave him a massive psychic headache from the experience. “You’ve been inside a few minds before, but a human’s mind is complex. It weaves a world in a person’s head, with a plethora of roads and locations, a library of memories and many branches leading to the individual’s inner goals and dreams. Many animals, however, have no goals other than to survive, and their minds are limited, very linear, and very fragile. It would be like comparing a human mind as walking a library with many halls and stairways and walls, whereas an animal may be a single balance beam poorly constructed and also changing direction constantly. Very easy to explore as there’s not much to see, but if you break it, you may harm the animal, and possibly yourself.” 

“Ooooh. I wonder what frogs think like.” 

Sasha grinned. “I find mammals to be a much easier starting point. One day I will help you find a good animal to train with. For now, I recommend that you only use animals as a last resort, and as lightly as possible. Look through their eyes, not their minds.” 

“Hmm...” Raz slowly fell into step behind Sasha as they headed further out. “... Have you ever TRIED reading a frog’s mind?”

“Razputin... we’re here.” Sasha avoided the silly question, stepping out from behind a line of trees with Raz right behind him. He gestured to a large tall boulder which sat near the edge of a steep decline looking out not towards the city like the back of the house, but out into the mountains. Sasha walked towards the rock, glancing up and remembering when he first found this place after he had been mentally attacked on a mission and was still getting confused looking at his clean precise numbers and graphs and formulas. Coming out here allowed him to pull everything back together in a more serine calming setting as opposed to locking himself away in a padded hospital cell at HQ. The rock not only gave a wonderful view of the surrounding woods, but had a lesson within itself. A large tree had sprouted at some point many years ago, and had split up the center of the rock, growing right through the seemingly immovable boulder. Persistence and flexibility beats sheer strength every time. As tall as the rock was, Sasha lifted himself with his mind, floating up to the small flat top of the, sitting comfortably in front of the tree, using it as a back rest. 

“Wow... neat.” Raz walked to where the hill sharply turned downward and glanced over. It was a great view, looking over a vast stretch of trees between two large hills, between which ran a creek you could just see from this height. Raz followed the creek with his eyes and found a cool waterfall and a small pond way down there, and wondered to himself if somehow he could get down there and explore. He looked over to the rock and ran over, using his strong fingers and the occasional protruding root as a hand grip to climb up for an even better view sitting with Sasha. 

The two looked out over the woods for a while in silence. Raz sat for a little while, but eventually he was kicking his legs, and then he got up and walked up to the tree and was looking up for branches to hold. Finally, Sasha broke the silence. “Razputin.” 

“Sasha~” Raz stepped over and stood next to the older man. 

“It’s not my intention to embarrass you by saying that I noticed figments in your mind as I introduced you into your mental world.” 

Raz’s whole body stiffened, and his cheeks lost a hint of color as he remembered the romanticized visions of himself and Sasha Nein floating around in his head. “O-oh! Oh, Pft, that! I mean... well, that was... I mean, you don’t need to overthink that... stuff... It was...” 

“It’s fine. Calm yourself.” Sasha leaned back and adjusted his glasses. “I’m not sure if you remember a few nights ago, when you collapsed after over exerting yourself.” Sasha side glanced at Raz, who went from pale to heavily blushed. “I said it wasn’t my intention to embarrass you Razputin. Would you please sit down?” 

Raz was biting the inside of his cheek. He wasn’t sure if Sasha was about to tell him off for these thoughts, or for... well, for kissing him... GUH! But he was out of it, he was almost unconscious, he couldn’t get in trouble for that, could he? He started walking over to Sasha’s side, then turned... turned again, almost in a mini pacing before finally flopping down next to Sasha. It felt very strange and awkward being so close talking about this stuff. “I’m... I’m sorry, I mean, if you’re mad, I-“

“I’m not upset in any way with you.” Sasha rest his hand on Raz’s head, the boy cringing for a moment before Sasha’s thumb began rubbing back and forth through his hair. “Razputin, I have been upset only with myself. I have struggled with myself on how to bring this up and deal with this. I felt I could just sweep it under the rug. Not think about it. Make it go away.” 

Raz turned his eyes downward towards his shoes. That would make it easier. Raz shuffled his feet in, hugging his knees to his chest as Sasha’s hand continued to pet at his head. “That would... that might be best, huh?” He hadn’t even gotten to ask Sasha about how he was feeling, and already he was being shut down. It honestly hurt in his chest, but it made sense. Logically speaking. 

“Best? Maybe. Easiest, most certainly.” The two remained quiet for a few moments. “But... it’s not what I want.”

Raz hesitated before turning his head, resting his cheek on his knee. “It’s... It’s not?”

Sasha shook his head. “Listen to me Razputin. What we’re talking about... it’s not something... Hmm...” It was hard to talk about those kind of thing and the logistics behind considering making it work. “If I were to attempt to make this kind of thing work... even under my best intentions I could be compromised.”

“Compromised? Like... like in a mission?” Raz tried to think about this in a way he could understand. “But... So basically you can’t be found out. You need to keep it all under wraps.” 

Not the point he was going for per say, but... “Yes, for sure. And I want you to know that anything that we explore between ourselves, you are in complete control. That is, if you ever wanted to stop-“ Sasha sighed and kept trying to think of better ways to phrase things. “Razputin, what is it that you want?”

“Huh? M-me?” Raz once again blushed and turned his face to his knees. ‘Damn, Sasha, ask right out and make me explain it huh?’ Raz fiddled with his fingers as he thought. It was hard enough to say even if he knew WHAT to say. Finally, he took a deep breath and stood up. He walked in front of Sasha Nein and looked down at him. He hesitated for a moment, and then he turned and sat in the man’s lap, scooting back until his back was leaning on Sasha’s front, his hands at his sides resting on Sasha’s legs. “I...dunno what I want.” 

Sasha felt color coming to his cheeks. He rested his head down a bit, his chin pressing against Raz’s head. “That is okay. Maybe we can find out together. With your permission.” 

“I’d... like that.” 

The two sat together a while more, but much closer. Sasha crossed his hands over Raz’s lap, and Raz leaned back more comfortably. The win blew over the trees, and they could watch the leaves like waves shifting back and forth. Knowing that they were both coming to the same page, that they’ve been able to open themselves to each other, it made them both feel much more open and honest. Sasha slowly closed his eyes, nuzzling at Raz’s head, his hair smelling of that silly fruity shampoo, but also of acorns and leaves. He was a wonderful boy. Suddenly, however, Sasha’a eyes shot wide open. 

Raz gulped, having moved his hand from Sasha’s leg and down, feeling the thick bulge in Sasha’a pants. “Oh yeah... uh... This feel good, my... uh...Dirty Daddy?” 

Sasha’s body had stiffened, and he glanced down at Raz, who refused to look up back at him, his face sweating profusely. “... ... Razputin, where did you hear this kind of talk?”

“On... um... On the internet. Is.... is this not right?”

Sasha was stunned for a moment, and then he started to chuckle, and then he began to laugh! “Haha! Oh, young Razputin... “

“H-hey! Don’t make fun of me, I was TRYING to be romantic!” Raz’s cheeks puffed up in embarrassment as he crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Aaaah, oh...” Sasha pulled Raz over in a firm playful hug. “There is much for you to learn, young man. Come, let’s go back to the house. I feel I will need to check your laptop for viruses.” 

“Viruses? Can a computer get sick?” Raz stood with Sasha, and walked towards the edge of the rock. 

“Raz.” The use of the shortened name felt so weirdly over-familiar and unnatural, but also kind of good. Sasha took the boy’s hand in his, and they both floated to the ground. 

As Sasha took Raz’s small hand in his relatively large one, the boy felt himself turning beet red. He gulped and tried to play it off as no big deal as they floated to the ground. But as they landed, he felt himself grip slightly tighter to Sasha’s hand. Sasha grinned and allowed them to hold hands a while longer as they began the walk back home.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boy oh boy... Them boys know they got feels for each other. What do you think? Think they’re gonna get all romantic and stuff now? :D What do you think? READ AND FIND OUT!

Raz ran into the house a few moments before Sasha got to the door. They had held hands for a while on the way back, but soon Raz was bored with Sasha’s slow walk and he was off through the trees. They had gotten home in a matter of minutes, leaving their muddy shoes outside to dry so that they could dust them off in the morning. Now inside, Sasha could see that Raz was still very energetic, looking around the kitchen and asking what they were going to have for dinner, opening the fridge wide and standing in front just to inspect. 

Sasha walked up from behind and slowly closed the fridge, letting Raz step out of the way before it clicked shut. “I will worry about dinner. How about you take some time to practice your tumbling in the other room. By the time you’ve worked off some of that energy, I’ll have something ready for us.” 

“Aww... I wanted to help you cook.” Raz rocked back and forth on his socks, looking up at Sasha with a grin. “Maybe you can teach me, huh? And then I can make dinner while you’re working!” 

Sasha pressed a finger to Raz’s forehead and gently pushed. “You show me this week that you are able to know your mental limits while working hard to practice your psychic powers as well as keeping up with your tumbling, and next week I will start teaching you to cook.” Sasha removed his finger and spun the boy around by his shoulders. “For now, you go to work.”

As a man of science, Sasha was fond of the kitchen, but was very particular with his recipes. Once he found one that worked, he did not alter the recipe. He measured carefully, cooked at precise temperatures and times, and always cleaned as he went. With cooking times solidified in his mind, Sasha prepped and seasoned a small chicken with salt and pepper and dry herbs, cutting out the backbone and spatchcocking the bird over a base of chopped carrots and onions. Placing that in the oven, Sasha made quick work cleaning the counter before chopping some carrots into small coins, snapping some green beans, and breaking up some small heads of cauliflower, giving it all a rinse as he set a pot of salted water to boil. The timers clicked down in his head, waiting for the right moment to start the next dish to make sure it was all done in time. 

Meanwhile, Raz had run to his room to change out of his green sweater and brown trousers, slipping into his purple training spandex , slipping his blue workout shirt with the big star over them, and stretching a bright red sweatband over his forehead. Raz was very flexible, but that took daily stretches. He had a set of stretch routines his mother had taught him, which ended up being almost like very slow dances. He would start on his feet with his hands at his sides, and then he would slowly bend over until his palms were flat on the floor. He’d slide his feet apart, and then lift one hand to the sky, holding for a few seconds before slowly switching hands. This particular stretch set has Raz doing splits on the ground leaning to touch one foot before slowly moving to the front to his other foot, it had him up in a cobra pose to stretch his front, and it had him once when he was younger accidentally dislocate his shoulder an hour before a show. Ah memories of the circus... 

For nearly half an hour Raz jumped on and off of the pommel horse, spinning his legs over the large wooden body as he shifted his grip from one hand to the other. With as much work as he put in, Raz has been told by many patrons of the circus that he should try out for the olympics, but as he kicked both legs straight up and allowed himself to spin on his head for a moment before his dismount, he was only imagining himself on a street corner spinning around a worn piece of cardboard as a group of cool kids played electro dance and cheered him on. That would be so cool...

The smell of dinner hit shortly before Sasha called for him a ten minute warning. The boy hopped off of the pommel horse and with a slight shortness of breath he ran to his room for a quick shower. After a quick rinse he was about to get dressed, but then the practical (lazy) part of his mind questioned the point. Sasha wasn’t going to give him any training to do, and his work was all done, so after dinner they’d probably just chill out and watch a movie or something before bed. Raz grabbed an oversized shirt near the bottom of his drawer, tossing other shirts to the floor. He finally found it, a long well-worn green shirt with the message ‘We want YOU’ and a picture of a brain. The rest of the message had peeled away after so many washes, but it was fine. The shirt was super comfortable and dropped down to his knees. He pulled on some underwear and ankle socks so that his feet wouldn’t get cold, and then headed for the kitchen. 

Sasha had carefully carved up the chicken, plating himself a breast sliced into half inch pieces, while Raz got both of the drumsticks, since they were his favorite. A healthy portion of vegetables, and then a cheesy pan sauce with spinach and bits of bacon got drizzled over the veggies. He looked up as Raz came in the room and nearly dropped the sauce pan. “R-Razputin!” He quickly gained his composure and set the pan down, adjusting his glasses as he cleared his throat. “Are... are you wearing anything underneath that?”

“Uh... yeah?” Raz lifted up the hem of his shirt with one hand up to his hips to show he was wearing underwear. “I just didn’t want to put anything dirty on, and didn’t wanna get other pants dirty or... Sasha?” Raz looked over to his mentor, who was becoming red in the face and stiff backed. He dropped his shirt. “Yoooooou okay?”

“Fine! Ahem.... fine. Let’s just.... sit down to eat.” Sasha tried to get beyond the fact that Raz has no nonchalantly flashed him in his undergarments. True he’d seen the boy in that kind of undress before, but never so casually. It has shaken him for a moment. 

The two had their dinner, Raz asking if they could watch a movie afterwards before going on about what different movies he’d like to see, and which ones he thought Sasha would REALLY like. By their titles and detailed descriptions provided by the boy, Sasha highly doubted any of the movies were particularly in his taste. 

“-and then Professor Dark and his assistant Claw Brain us the mind swap canon to swap the minds of the president and Brax Doom, who was working with the bad guys. So now the PRESIDENT is a bad guy! So Agent Steel goes to save the day, but it was ALL a ploy to get Steel into the sights of their mind swap canon, which then swaps HIS mind with a DOG! That’s why it’s call Agent Steel 9: CaNINE Steel!” 

“Uh....huh.” Sasha sipped at his white wine and dabbed his lips with his napkin. He was half listening, but he’d known since long before Raz explained the painful ‘Agent Steel 3: Time threef’ plot line that he was not interested in experiencing this bastardization of his his psychic profession. He stood with his plate and glanced down at Raz’s. “Make sure to finish your vegetables.”

Raz turned to his plate with a look of disdain. “But it’s got green beans...” 

“It’s brain food.”

“That’s what you said about the Brussel sprouts.” Raz stuck out his tongue to show his distaste for even the word.

“If you do not finish your plate, then we will not be able to watch Agent Steel. Deal?” Sasha grinned as he found his way out of the movie, turning to wash his plate. 

Raz narrowed his eyes at Sasha’s back and then turned to his plate. He took a deep breath, and holding it in he grabbed his fork and dug into his veggie pile. He ate quickly, trying not to taste the bitter edge of the greens, but absolutely determined to have a movie night with Sasha! By the time Sasha had finished washing his plate, Raz held his fork up. “Gah! Hah... I did it!” 

Sasha turned, saw the plate, Raz’s messy grin... and sighed. “Good job...” And now he was stuck with Agent Steel. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Sasha sat in his recliner facing the TV. For the past hour and a half he’d been in some form of rubbing his temples or bridge of his nose in sheer disbelief of the absurdities he was watching unfold. Raz, on the other hand, was sitting on the floor and had scooted forward closer and closer to the TV, stars in his eyes as he watched the psychic secret agent in the body of a dog infiltrate the evil lair of blah blah blah. Sasha sighed. 

As the movie finally came to an explosions filled end, Raz rolled onto his back, flopping his arms and legs out to his sides. “Aaaah, that was awesome! I can’t wait for the sequel to come out next summer. ‘Fall into TENtation’. Maybe we can go see it in the theater when it comes out!” 

“...Bedtime, Razputin.” He was not going to have that conversation now, and hoped against hope that Raz might grow out of this particular stage of interest by next summer.

“Aww, okay.” Raz clambered up to his feet and dusted off his night shirt. “Um, hey Sasha?” 

Sasha had just lowered the leg rest of his chair, standing up with a deep stretch. “Hmm?” He raised his eyebrows, looking down at his student. 

“Um... thanks for today. For talking with me about... all that stuff.” Raz was grinning, but looking off to one side as he scratched his cheek with one finger. “I was thinking maybe I could... get a kiss goodnight?” He looked up hesitantly at Sasha. 

Sasha felt a light blush on his cheeks, but grinned down at the boy. He was adorably forward, as shy as he was. “Alright. But then it’s bedtime, okay Razputin?”

“Promise!” Raz gently bounced in excitement. 

Sasha walked over to Raz who closed his eyes. With a light eye roll, Sasha leaned down and pressed his lips to the boy’s forehead. “There. Off you go, young man.” 

Raz pouted and glared. “Hey... you know that’s not what I meant. We just decided to be all open and honest and junk about how we feel. I want a REAL goodnight kiss, Sasha Nein, and I think you wanna give me one.” 

It was Sasha’s turn to bashfully scratch at his cheek, but he sighed. “That is true. Okay, but you go as far as you’re comfortable.” He went down on one knee, leaning far enough down for Raz to reach him. 

Raz gulped and licked his lips, taking a small breath before stepping forward. He held Sasha’s cheeks, probably a little too firmly, and smooshed his lips against him. He held the man firmly and kept their lips together for a few breaths. People on Tv always kissed a long time. 

“Mph...Raphoodin?” Sasha tried to speak with his lips held so tightly, almost giving a chuckle at the awkwardness of the embrace. 

Raz pulled away, looking up at Sasha worryingly. “Was... that wrong?”

Sasha shook his head, remembering the first kiss Raz had given him when he had been tired. He was amazingly naive. “It was... inexperienced. With your permission, would you like me to help you?”

“Well... I mean, I guess.” Raz’s face was becoming more red. “I mean... I’ve kissed Lilli a few times, I’m pretty sure I was doing okay...” 

“Here.” Sasha lifted one hand to cradle Raz’s cheek, rubbing a thumb along his lip. “Loosen yourself. Soft jaw, don’t pucker, just let your lips relax.” 

Raz felt a bit silly, but the warm rough hand on his cheek and Sasha’s thumb touching him in such a strange place was exhilarating. He felt himself begin to sweat and swallowed before licking his lips once more, accidentally touching Sasha’s thumb with his tongue. “O-oh, sorry...” 

“It’s fine. Relax young Razputin.” 

Raz breathed in slowly and tried to relax himself. Sasha’a thumb continued to move around his lip, moving it slowly from side to side, keeping him malleable. “Like...this?”

“Good. Try to keep yourself loose like this.” Sasha subtly licked his own lips. “Just remain loose. Let me show you how to kiss properly.” Sasha leaned down, moving his thumb from the boy’s lip, petting his cheek as he gently guided his head up. Closing his eyes, Sasha pressed his lips to Raz’s, feeling the boy gasp slightly as their pressed much more comfortably together with soft lips. Sasha allowed himself to moan softly, holding the kiss as Raz had before. Raz’s lips were so soft and smooth, so small it was strange and exciting. 

Raz felt his body stiffen as Sasha held his face so gently as they kissed. Oh gosh this kiss... it was so much... nicer! Sasha’s face smelled a little like that cologne from the bathroom, but he also tasted like thyme and wine from dinner. All of that rushing into his head at once was making him breathe heavily through his nose, he didn’t even realize he was on his tip toes, and his legs were beginning to shake. 

Sasha gently pressed his forehead to Raz’s, finally pulling their lips slowly apart. He pet the boy’s cheek with his thumb and chuckled lightly when he saw the boy’s expression, flushed cheeks and eyes unfocused, his mouth slightly gaped open. “There, Razputen. How was it?”

“I-uuhwaaaa...” Raz shook his head lightly. “That was... And I...” 

“Heh... I think it’s time you went to bed now.” 

“B-but...” Raz gulped. “Just... just a little more? Please?” Raz leaned forward, but Sasha leaned back. 

“Now Razputin, you promised you’d go to bed after your kiss.”

“I know, but...” Raz bit his lip gently. “I’m sorry, sir... can you please me teach me just a little more? Then I’ll go straight to bed... I promise promise!”

“So many promises...” Sasha grinned and adjusted his glasses. He had to admit that the kiss was more than a little pleasurable, and he was flattered with the boy’s reactions. “Perhaps I can teach you just a little more before bed, since you are asking so nicely.” 

“Thank you! Um... do you think we can...?” Raz looked around Sasha at his chair. “Do you think we can do it in your recliner? I don’t want you to hurt your back, and my legs are tired from being on my tip toes.” 

Well, the previous flattery was just shadowed by comments making Sasha feel like an old man, but the boy did have a point, as Sasha’s knee was getting painful being on the ground. He stood and offered his hand to Raz, who took it as they went to the chair without a word. Sasha sat comfortably and was about to lean forward to help Raz up when the boy hopped right into his lap! As Sasha leaned back, Raz made himself comfortable by turning to face Sasha and placing his knees on either side of the man’s hips. This was beginning to get awkward, but Raz lifted up his shirt to pull it from being under his legs, giving Sasha a fleeting flash of the boy’s tight white underwear sitting right on his groin. Sasha gulped as Raz got comfortable. 

“There.” Raz straightened up and leaned forward over Sasha’s chest. “This way we’ll be a bit more evenly matched, huh?” He grinned shyly as he lifted himself a little more until his face was right over Sasha’s. “So... Agent Nein... What should be my next lesson? What do you want to teach me?”

Raz was leaning far enough over that Sasha was actually pressing back into his chair. He accidentally leaned back a bit too much, activating the recline, his leg rest kicking out and the chair falling back further, Raz’s head bumping his firmly! Sasha’s legs flew up as he was pulled off balance, which pushed Raz higher, making the boy fall across Sasha’a face, and for a moment they were so off balance, neither could move off of one another. Finally Sasha gathered enough thoughts to reposition the chair back on balance, his legs resting back on the footrest and Raz slumping down into his lap. They were silent, and then they looked at each other, each with a small red spot on their foreheads where they had accidentally head butted. Raz was the first to snort out a stifled laughter, and then Sasha was chuckling, and soon both were laughing at their moment ruining slapstick. 

“Haha... Oh man, Sasha, that was so weird!” Raz wiped a tear from under his eye, thankful that at least his nerves were going away with the silly situation. “Hehe... ah... ahem, I hope that you can still give me a lesson. I didn’t bite my lip or anything, see?” He pulled his lip down for Sasha to look at. 

Sasha calmed his laughter down to a relieved sigh. “Yes yes, you look fine... come here.” He pat his chest. “Carefully, Razputin.” 

“Yes, seriously.” Raz readjusted himself before once again crawling up the man’s chest so they were once again face to face, this time much more balanced. “Okay... I’m ready.” 

“Good. Make sure you’re good and comfortable.” Sasha reached down and placed his hands on Raz’s thin hairless legs, feeling himself blush as he pulled those legs gently forward, Raz’s groin pressing against his torso as their faces got closer. He rubbed down the boy’s legs until he could slip to the outside of the oversized shirt, rubbing up the boy’s back. “That’s good. Now when you’re kissing, if you look straight ahead, your noses may bump. But for a small greeting kiss it is fine.” Sasha instructively but also playfully leaned forward and gave Raz a small peck on the lips, noticing the boy’s reaction to even such a small gesture. “Mmm... but if you wish to have a longer kiss, you simply turn your head slightly...” His hand had reached the back of Raz’s head, aiding him in turning his head slowly to one side as Sasha turned the other way, letting them come together for a second soft kiss. 

Raz sighed and once again found himself focusing on the smell, the taste, and the feel. He felt his body heating up with this close attention, and he naturally squirmed, his hands sliding up Sasha’s chest to his cheeks, and then back to hold Sasha’s head. Sasha’s lips tightened, and Raz could tell he was giggling. Raz blushed deeply, pulling back slightly embarrassed. “D-don’t laugh at me, Sasha...” 

“Razputin... I am not laughing at you.” Sasha raised his hand and wiped the boy’s forehead, moving his hair from his eyes. This gesture turned Raz’s attention to Sasha’s face, which had a soft smile. “I’m honestly so relieved and happy...” 

Raz felt his heart skip as his head became slightly light and fuzzy. He gulped, licking his lips once again before leaning forward, but Sasha gently held him back. “Wh-what is it?”

“I’d like to show you one more thing. With your permission.” 

“Of course... show me. Teach me.” 

“Okay... when you are kissing someone like this, and you want to show them more deeply how you are feeling, you can do this.” Sasha leaned forward a bit more quickly, pressing more firmly and almost desperately. Raz was caught by surprise at the suddenness, his eyes widening and his blush deepening. The boy’s hands stiffened as they rest on either side of Sash’s head on the headrest, almost instinctively pushing away, but Sasha’s hand slid behind the boy’s head and pulled him down as he rest his head back. 

Raz gulped against the kiss, his breaths becoming shaky, but he didn’t feel like it was all that much different from the other kiss. Then he felt Sasha shift, and the man’s tongue slip over his lip. Raz once again tried pulling away slightly in shock. “Sa-ahm!” As Raz opened his mouth to speak, that tongue followed right in, pushing against his own and slipping right past his lips. Raz shut his eyes tight as Sasha moved his much larger tongue inside of his mouth, it all felt so weird, but his body shivered as it felt so good at the same time. Sasha’s lips pressed to his once more, his tongue pulling away only to come back soon again, licking over his tongue. “Mmmngh~!” 

Sasha focused on his kiss, his body becoming hot from the boldness he was showing. He had barely noticed his own free hand had left Raz’s head and slid down his back, feeling the roundness of his upturned butt. Raz’s workouts gave him such a well shaped strong butt, and Sasha couldn’t help but squeeze as he moaned into the boy’s mouth, feeling through the fabric of his night shirt. He lifted Raz’s shirt, resting his hand once more, Raz’s body hot to the touch, his finger sliding up the middle over his underwear, feeling Raz squeeze those muscles as he pressed his hips down, grinding softly on Sasha’s stomach. 

Raz wasn’t sure how long they had been kissing, but as much as he wanted it to continue, he felt a need for fresh air. He pressed his hands down once more, pulling back slowly with a soft breath. He blushed and quickly moved a hand to his mouth when he saw they had been connected with some spit. That must be so gross and embarrassing. He wiped his mouth. “Ha... Ha...s-sorry...” 

Sasha gulped and panted softly up at Raz. For a few moments he didn’t move, only looking at the precious shy and novice boy above him. In a moment of realization he moved his hand from the boy’s butt, adjusting himself as best as he could. “There is no need, my boy. Hah... you-“ Sasha cringed and shivered as Raz pushed himself down. He could feel Raz’s groin against his own, both stiff and uncomfortable. 

“I... I saw this... in the video, but...” Raz was pushing his hips deliberately against Sasha’s, looking up as if for permission. 

Sasha fought with himself before finally reaching up to pull the boy back up to his chest and holding him. “Hah... That, Razputin... that will need to wait.” Feeling a wave of guilt for pushing so much further than he had intended, Sasha pulled Raz’s shirt back down, closing his eyes. “Let’s just catch our breath, and relax. This was a good lesson... you’ve learned a lot.”

“Y-yeah...” Raz gulped, the taste of wine and smoke still on his tongue as he found himself clinging to Sasha’s sweater. “Can I stay here while we catch our breath, sir?”

“Yes... you may.” 

“H-hey, Sasha?”

“Yes, Razputin?”

“I- uh... Ne-never mind. I’ll tell you later.” Raz kissed Sasha’s head and hugged him. 

Sasha placed his hand on Raz’s back, petting slowly. “We’ll get you to bed as soon as we’ve calmed down...” 

It wasn’t long after those words that Sasha had closed his eyes, and Raz found himself slipping into a dream filled sleep as the two held each other warmly.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to psychic training! Maybe back to kissing? Ha! Maybe... they’re DEFINITELY going back to kissing~

Two days. It’s been only two days since Raz was able to let loose in the mental world and flex his powers. And it. Felt. Awesome. 

The boy bounced on his psychic bubble over black and white obstacles hanging all around in Sasha’s mental construct, releasing his floating thoughts to grind down the taught wires that held up this particular section of the world, placing his fingers to his temple and aiming for the flash of red he saw in the distance, a censor’s large stamp. He let his frustration and aggression grow, then focused it, and released it expertly as a blast of red from his forehead, his attack hitting the miniature enemy straight on! 

Nearing the bottom of the grind, Raz reached up for his own thought bubble and tucked it neatly under his feet. Upon hitting the bottom, he bounced once again up over and through further obstacles, preparing for the gravity to shift as he Dover over the edge of the small planet that was the world in Sasha Nein’s mind. He tucked his feet and let his body roll and tumble in the air as he began to fall into the next world, until a small prickle in the back of his brain had him once again at full attention. Without even landing, Raz focused on a shield, surrounding himself just before a similar blast to his own landed on him. With a quick thought, he reflected the blast back from where it came, and he looked from behind his goggles as he blast flew back to the shadows behind one of the many monoliths on this platform, a flash of color showing the blast dispersing as it struck another mental shield. 

“Found you, Sasha!” Raz grinned as he fell, rolling on the ground before bounding up to his feet and sprinting for where he had seen the beam fly. He cornered around the monolith, but instead of Sasha he found a large constructed mirror. 

“Close Razputen.” Sasha slipped up from behind and pressed a finger to the back of the boy’s head. “You’re improving.” 

“Gah! Using a mirror is cheating!” Raz turned to face his instructor, his cocky grin turned into a sour pout. “AND! And. AND you didn’t catch me with your spy last this time. I BLOCKED it!” 

Sasha adjusted his glasses and took a drag of his cigarette before letting it float next to his head, his sigh coming out in a thick cloud of smoke. “Indeed. I thought you would not fall for the same strategy for a third time. However this is a lesson you must learn, and it will be a difficult lesson and take time.” Sasha Nein tapped his foot on the floor, his mind shifting around them, collapsing into itself until it was back into being just a dense cube of black and white patterns. He tapped it again, and the patterns shifted into a large grid that covered the whole of their face of the cubic world. Finally, a platoon of white and black sculptures pulled out of the ground, standing at attention on either side of the world. 

“Is this... a chess board?” Raz looked between the rows of black pieces nearby, and then over to the white ones on the other side of the ‘board’. 

“Indeed. Now, for a moment, focus on this lesson.” Sasha began to walk, and Raz followed right behind, every long stride of Sasha’s taking two or three quick steps from Raz to keep up. “Your mental powers are strong, your defenses naturally incredible, and against a normal or broken mind victory is well within your ability. You can overpower, you can withstand, and you can use your mental powers to attack in ways that your opponent cannot possibly counter. It would be like playing chess...” Sasha waved his hand, half of the white pawns and both rooks and knights disappearing, “without a fully board.” 

“Hmm...” Raz reached out and shoved over one of the bishops as they walked past, letting it roll slowly away. “I’ve never been very good at chess... DO you think we can use Checkers instead?”

“No. Now.” Sasha snapped his fingers and all of the pieces returned, and they all began moving, the board playing itself in smooth deliberate motions. “If you were go up against an opponent of similar strength, another psychic for example, it would be like playing a real game. Now it is not just your powers, or the pieces in this case, that matter... but how you use them. Right now, you are reacting to how i move my pieces. If I were to only react back to you again and again, we would fight to a stale mate. But I am able to predict your motions and force you to move exactly where i prepare a trap with my own pieces.” 

Raz was sure the pieces were playing a particular way to show the exact scenario Sasha was talking about, but he couldn’t really understand it himself. He rubbed his head. “So... in checkers...” 

“Not checkers, Razputin...” 

“Now, give me a sec, Sasha. In checkers... this would be like if I made you jump pieces, because you HAVE to jump pieces when it’s available... but I made you do that to set up a DOUBLE jump. That’s kinda the same, right?”

Sasha sighed. “Yes, sort of.” 

“Okay! I can get that.” 

“My point is...” Sasha clapped and all of the chess pieces returned to their starting positions. “You have talent for powers, but you need to focus on who you’re up against and predict them. Consider your actions, but take a further step and consider your opponents reactions to your action, and determine if that places your opponent in a situation that you can exploit. For now, try to have me react to your actions, not the other way around. Eventually, you will be able to do this on instinct. And then you’ll be able to think two moves ahead, then three, four, five...” 

“Really?” Raz had climbed up onto one of the knight pieces and was straddling the horse head, letting his legs dangle. “I mean, that SOUNDS cool, but how can you do all of that like... for real? I mean, you can’t do that in the moment, right? If you could stop and think about it, but if you have someone psy blasting you the whole time...” 

“Well, consider this Razputen.” Sasha had a cocky grin of his own. “From where you began this exercise I placed myself on the opposite side of the cube. You were forced to search for me across one of four sides, each of them providing perfect opportunities for you to use your levitation technique, which would guarantee you entering my side of the cube in the air. I knew if you saw where my beam came from you would not be able to focus well in mid air, so i reflected my beam to give you a hint, and you followed it, passing right by my hiding spot and giving me your back.” Walking back up to Raz, he pressed a finger to Raz’s forehead. “And I promise, that was all in my mind the moment we stared. That’s thinking three moves ahead. You need to learn to do the same.” 

“Whoa...” Raz was a bit wide eyed behind his goggles.

Sasha grinned. “Shall we try once more?” Before Raz could answer, the world was shifting, and a door opened out of nowhere from right above Sasha, who jumped in, the door disappearing as soon as it closed. His voice echoed around. “Think ahead, Razputin. Find me before I can blast you.” 

The world was shifting, creating barriers, ramps, poles... a varied obstacle course. Raz shook out his hands and got ready to depart when he stopped. This was a test right? Sasha said that he would be considering his reactions to Sasha’a actions. So where would Sasha THINK he would go? Raz decided on a second route but after two steps, he skit to a halt! “Wait a minute... if Sasha thinks I’m going to THINK about what was to go, then he’d definitely assume I’ll go that way. Maybe I should...” He started to turn around. “Wait, no, this is just what he THINKS I’ll do! Ah ha, I have your number Sasha Nein! That means the best way to go would be the way I originally wanted to go, because that’s the last thing you’d expect!” He crossed his arms and nodded to himself. “Yup, definitely. ... ... Unless he expects me to think that...” 

Sasha found himself on the next face of the cube standing behind a large sphere he’d created. He waited for Raz, curious how the boy would react to the options provided. He had his own thoughts, and watched a particular spot he felt the boy would be passing soon. It was a few minutes before Sasha noticed he hasn’t heard any movement in a while. He felt Raz’s position and opened a mental doorway to look in on him. “Razputin... you haven’t moved.” 

Raz was chewing on one finger, pacing back and forth. He jumped when Sasha appeared in a doorway almost right underneath him. “Gah!” The boy adjusted himself and looked around once more. “Well... I just... I’m trying to figure out the right way to go! I don’t know what you’ve planned...” 

“Hmm... you’ve worked yourself into a stalemate. It is always best if you can work out what your opponent has thought of and how to act to force his reaction, but sometimes it’s best to move at all.” Sasha leaned into the doorway. “For now, there is a trick to overcoming this situation where you don’t know if you’re walking into a trap and every direction seems like it could be a trap and there is no where else to go.” 

“What is it?” Raz got on his hands and knees to be on Sasha’s level for once. 

“Just pick at random.” Sasha gave a playful salute. “At least you’ll be moving.” With that, Sasha slipped back out of the door, closing it behind him. 

“Humph!” Raz got up and stuck out his tongue. “Some advice that is! Guh... well, maybe...” Raz thought about it a bit, then decided it was better than nothing. He covered his eyes with one hand and pointed the other, and then spun around a few times until he almost got too dizzy to stand, and then stopped. Then he fell over because the world was spinning around him, but he kept his finger out, and when he was able to stand, he followed his finger! 

He remembered Sasha’s words about him not being able to dodge in mid air and expecting him to jump, which meant if he DID jump he would need to be careful of being shot at, and not react so quickly if he couldn’t focus, or if he stuck to the ground he’d not be able to move as fast but he’d be more thorough. He decided to play it safe for now and keep to the ground. He crept behind each obstacle in search for Sasha, moving like a real secret agent. 

Sasha waited a good while, but he could feel Raz was at least on the move. He sat back behind his sphere and wondered how the boy would be reacting this time, knowing what he knew now. After a while, he noticed that Raz had stopped again. Curiosity was getting better of the older psychonaut, so he slipped from his hiding spot to make his way to the side of the world Raz was on. He peeked over the edge of the cubic world, and he felt the color run from his cheeks. “Oh no...” 

Raz was sitting on the floor in front of a thick four-legged safe, its head dented from a heavy slam, its face open with the tongue rolled out, Sasha’s memories sitting in a small disk in front of Raz, who was picking up each one and holding it to the light. Raz noticed Sasha and gulped, his face blushed a bit as he set the images of those memories down in his lap. “Sasha?”

Sasha made his way quickly over to Raz, reaching out for the memories, but Raz pulled them away behind his back. “... Raz, those are not... You shouldn’t be-“

“Sasha, wait!” Raz raised a foot and pressed against Sasha’s chest, holding him back, but Sasha kept reaching, his long arms forcing Raz to move the disks of film from hand to hand as far back as he could. “N-no! Wait! I just wanna see!” 

Sasha struggled with the boy, but finally was able to snatch the memories away! He backed up and glanced at the memories to confirm what they were, seeing the images of himself and his mental projection of Raz in questionable situations. He was blushing and quickly pocketed the memories. “Ahem... now, Raz, you shouldn’t look through memory vaults without permission. These memories are-“

“They have ME in them though!” Raz stood up and made a grab for Sasha’s pockets. “Just let me-“

“Gah! No, Razputin, you shouldn’t-!”

“You... Need to... be... more open...!” Raz was reaching and pulling and trying to twist out of Sasha’s grip as the older man did his best to keep him back. 

Sasha fought with the boy a while, and finally held him with a psychic hand by the back of his collar, holding him up in the air. “Whew... Razputin, you should be able to accept my privacy. Some things are not meant for you to be looking through.” 

“Y-yeah but...” Raz kicked for a while, but finally just relaxed and let himself hang from the grip. “Sasha, you said you wanted... that you wanted me to be in control of what we explored together!” 

“Yes... but I didn’t mean-“

“What? Are you afraid I want too much? Or that what you’ve imagined will scare me off?” Raz crossed his arms. “I saw me in those memories, Sasha... I saw you kissing me, in a way you haven’t kissed me before. You’ve wanted things that you wont show me!” 

“...” Sasha placed two fingers on his forehead as he thought, his heart thumping quickly in his chest. “I... I don’t want to influence your decisions.” 

“Then let ME chose.” Raz held out his hand. “Let me see.” 

“Raz...” 

“You have to be honest with ME too!”

That hurt more than it probably should have. Sasha hesitated before finally putting Raz back on the ground. “You’re right. But this is...” 

“If it’s something about us...” Raz sat down and leaned back against a block that was part of the course. He hugged his knees to his chest. “I mean... we should be able to talk about what we want, right? And... And if it’s something we don’t like, we should tell each other, right? So that we know what we can’t and do... right?”

Sasha sighed and sat down next to Raz, fishing the memories out of his pocket. “... These were thoughts I had before I had the courage to actually talk to you about it. I was unsure. I’d held back admitting my own feelings, and they...flooded out.” He tapped his fingers on the pictures for a moment, and then held them out for Raz to take. “If anything makes you... uncomfortable...”

Raz reached out and took the pictures. “I’ll be honest. As long as you are.” Raz stuck out his hand, his face comically serious for the situation. 

Sasha hesitated, and then chuckled lightly before shaking Raz’s hand. “Deal.” 

“So...” Raz held the picture up to the light. “You want to kiss more than just my head and lips, huh?”

Sasha blushed and cleared his throat. “Well...” 

“Hehe... even my feet? Sasha Nein, you dirty boy.” Raz poked fun, but his cheeks were nice and red as he said it. 

Raz continued to look through the memories Sasha had hid away, sharing in the awkward yet exciting experience. The boy made fun in an attempt to show his comfort, but Sasha could tell it was just a bit of a defensive reaction, and that really the boy was nervous and excited. They looked for a while, Raz not asking any questions, but clearly curious about all of the things he saw. 

Sasha wanted as Raz finally bundled up the memories and placed them back into the safe, closing it up before sitting next to Sasha again. The boy leaned against him. “Sorry for looking without asking permission...” 

Sasha nodded. “If... If you see things you’re curious about in my mind or anything again... would you ask me about it? I promise I wont hide things from you, but I’d rather know.” 

Raz nodded. He licked his lips and stood up, but before Sasha could stand as well he stepped over and in front of the man, one leg on either side of his hips. Sitting like that, Sasha and Raz were about the same height, and Raz leaned forward to rest his hands on his mentor’s shoulders. “If I say it first... will you feel better about it?” Raz’s eyes shifted away from Sasha’s at first, but in defiance of his own reservations he reached up with one hand and pulled his goggles off, tossing them aside and locking eyes with Sasha. “If I tell you what I want first... will that make it easier?”

Sasha gulped and held Raz’s eyes. “You...don’t have to do this, Razputin.” 

“Be honest...You didn’t say no.” 

Sasha felt that urge had before in those memories. The urge to just lean forward and take those lips. But this was Raz, not just a figment of his active imagination. “If... if you said it first... yes. It would be easier for me.” He swallowed stiffly. “But Razputin, I-“

“I want you to treat me the way you did in your memories. When you let yourself do whatever you wanted.” Raz kept his hands on Sasha’s shoulders. “And... And you don’t need to worry, because we’re in your mind. So I’m just like that version you kissed back then. So... I don’t want you to worry about me. I want you to do whatever you want... so that I can learn what that is...” 

“Razputin-“

“And!” Raz kept cutting off Sasha before he lost any nerve. “And I promise that if I don’t like it that I won’t be upset. But then we’ll know, and you won’t have to question is anymore. I’ll be honest. As long as YOU are honest.” 

“...” Sasha waited, to see if the boy had anything else to add. When he was met with silence, Sasha moved forward, removing Raz’s hands from his shoulders and standing. He stood and adjusted his jacket. The world shifted and the obstacle course shrank away. “The moment you want to stop...” The world continued to shift, and a bed rose from underneath Raz’s feet, the boy stumbling and falling back into the blankets. “You tell me.” 

Raz nodded and looked up at Sasha, who walked forward and leaned down over him. For a moment they were still, face to face as Raz laid back on the covers. Raz cold smell the smoke fresh on Sasha’s lips, and he closed his eyes and leaned forward to close the gaps. He did his best to remember what he’d learned the previous night. Soft lips, loose jaw...

Sasha slipped a hand under Raz’s head to support him as they kissed once again, and he felt the boy reach out with his tongue, licking at his lips. He joined as well for a moment, but leaned back after only a moment. “Razputin...Can you...Can I...?”

“Please... say it, Sasha Nein.” Raz swallowed hard, feeling his heart fluttering in his chest. “I want to hear you say what you want.” 

Sasha bit his lip for a second and took a deep breath. “I want to take off your shirt. I want to see more of you. Please...” 

Raz nodded and leaned up, letting his jacket fall before he tossed it aside, grabbing his shirt from the collar and pulling it over his head. It got caught for a moment on his cap, but he quickly grabbed the Cap and yanked it off as well, tossing both to the side as well, leaving him exposed from the waist up. He tried to fix his hair a bit from being under his cap, but Sasha brushed his hands away. Raz swallowed and leaned back onto his elbows, looking up at Sasha. The man was looking at him closely, like he was scanning him, noting the details on his body. It was weird and embarrassing, and Raz found himself subconsciously raising a hand over his chest a bit. 

Sasha sighed as he looked at Raz. This boy wasn’t perfect like the vision he constructed before in his memories. His hair was a mess, matted down to his hair from his cap, his skin had marks and scuffs from his clothes and from rubbing badly during training... but every small detail made him more real. Every flaw made him somehow more perfect, because he was not just a memory. Sasha reached down and let his fingers touch the boy’s chest, and dragged them down over his hand gently. He leaned forward and kissed Raz once more softly on the lips. “Razputin... Thank you.” He kissed the boy’s cheek, and down to his jaw, then down to his neck. 

Sasha’s lips tickled, but the light warm kisses were making Raz’s whole body tingle. “Ah, hah... Sasha...?” This all felt so weird, but not bad... he closed his eyes and tried to catch his breath. Sasha’s lips on his skin was making his hands clench, and his breath tickled his skin. “M...” Raz swallowed and bit his lip. “M-more...”

Sasha kissed once more before lifting his head. He could hear Raz whimper in frustration, but he wasn’t done. He put his hand for a moment on Raz’s torso. “Shhh... just a moment.” Sasha let his jacket drop, and he felt Raz’s eyes fix on him. The boy’s stare was intense and curious, and it actually sent a wave of self-consciousness through Sasha’s mind, but he was determined. He lifted his sweater over his head, leaving him in a simple tee shirt, and finally he removed that as well, leaving himself as exposed as his pupil, who looked over his admittedly average body. Razputin spent time on the trapeze, sculpting himself and tightening his muscles, but Sasha spent his time at a computer and in a lab. He felt himself to be of strong mind, but not so much anything else.

“Wow...” Raz had admittedly imagined Sasha’s body, but this was really it. Well, a mental image of it, but still. He carefully sat up, looking up at Sasha for silent permission, and when he wasn’t shunned away, he gave Sasha’s stomach a kiss. “You’re so cool, Sasha...” 

Sasha blushed and tried not to laugh, the idea strangely preposterous, but he felt no insincerity in Raz’s voice. It was flattering, even though it didn’t feel like it could be real. Sasha took Raz’s head in his hands and kissed the top of his head. “Lay back, Razputin.” He pet the boy’s hair back, slowly pulling him away and resting him down before leaning back down to kiss his chest. “I want to taste you...” 

“Hehe... Sasha, are you gonna eat me up?” Raz would have laughed, but his breath had caught in his throat as he felt the man’s strong warm tongue drag up over his nipple, leaving a slight cold trail in its wake. “A-ah... H-how... how do I taste?” Such a weird question, he hoped he wasn’t being too weird... 

“Mmm... Salty and sweet and savory all in one.” Sasha slipped his hands into Raz’s and pushed them up, holding them against the bed, dragging his hands back to hold at the wrists. “If this becomes too much, though...” Sasha felt his mind begin to work, his vision split, as he divided his consciousness.

“You say that again and again... You’re not gonna be too m...much?” Raz opened his eyes when his hand was being held, and his fingers felt lips kissing the tips, and he felt someone holding and rubbing up and down his leg, and fingers in his hair. He looked around and felt his body become warmer. “O-oh...” He was surrounded by Sasha Neins. One had kneeled above him, slipping his fingertip into his mouth, another was petting his head, one was still kissing his chest, another was now removing his shoes. “Wow...I...” 

“I want to make you feel good, Razputin. To experience your body. But if-“

“If you tell me to stop you again after all of this I am going to psychic slap your ass so hard, Sasha.” Raz cranked his head to look down at what he felt was the original Sasha. “Now shut up and just... I dunno. Use me. Experience me... do whatever you want. I want this too, so...” He rested his head back. “Just... don’t stop.” 

The Sasha above kissed Raz’s cheek, and whispered hotly, “As you wish.” The words tickled the boy’s ear, but not as much as the tongue that circled his ear, or the gentle teeth that lightly pulled at his lobe. Sasha was experiencing every being in his mind, sucking softly on Raz’s finger and kissing his palm, Kissing his chest and smelling his smooth hairless body, nuzzling his hair, and carefully removing his shoes and rubbing a strong thumb up the boy’s sole. 

Raz felt amazingly confused, stimulated from all over, but was most curious when he felt his socks being pulled away and Sasha’s hands rubbing over his feet, and the lips pressed over his toes. “Sasha? Mmm... what... I mean, why are you...with my feet?”

“I find every part of you precious, young Razputin.” The Sasha by his head spoke as the one at his feet continued to rub and kiss. “The more I can explore... the more tangible you become in my mind. Not just your face, not just your lips, not just your mind... but every part of you is special, and deserves an amount of attention.” He kissed Raz’s cheek. As the boy began to squirm with the amount of stimulation, that Sasha slipped his hand down and dragged a finger across Raz’s lips. He felt the boy open his mouth, and he dipped his finger down to touch his tongue. When the boy began sucking on his finger, Sasha grinned. “That’s my boy.” 

Raz couldn’t see straight, his eyes staring up in the void beyond Sasha’s mind unfocused and half closed. He felt tongues and lips across his body, hands holding and manipulating him, and now even tasted Sasha’s finger, feeling the digit feeling at his tongue and his teeth. It was so strange, he barely registered as his pants pulled from his legs, or that he was being kissed on his inner thighs or that his legs were spread slightly. How many Sashas were there now? How many tongues, how many fingers, how many eyes... he was being devoured... praised... worshiped by this man. He couldn’t process everything that was going on, but a part of his mind wanted more. Wanted to give himself up. He didn’t say a word, allowing Sasha to use him completely...

The world seemed to darken, grow fuzzy... and Raz felt himself pulling out of Sasha’s mind. As he woke, however, he felt Sasha’s lips against his. His real lips. Raz felt himself smile, which made it difficult to kiss, but that didn’t stop them. The boy’s hands came up and felt Sasha’s rough cheeks, and one of his hands pet down the side of his head. They released and looked at each other. It was almost disappointing to see that they were both fully dressed sitting in Sasha’s office. 

“I’m sorry to cut things short. I only just realized the time, and we still have to get up early tomorrow. We should get to bed.” 

Raz nodded and stretched, having been still training mentally for the past few hours. As he stretched he felt his pants tight in the groin and upon looking noticed the obvious tend in his trousers. He quickly covered his lap, but Sasha had turned and wasn’t paying attention, so he tried to tuck his thing up a bit so it would stop poking. As he was getting up, however, he noticed Sasha adjusting himself as well. This made Raz’s mind rush and imagine what Sasha must be like without his pants... he’d felt the man through his pants, it felt big... much bigger than his... curiosity was doing him a service. 

“Razputin, come.” Sasha held out his hand, helping Raz to his feet. He walked down the hall towards Raz’s room, but halfway down he felt a pull as Raz stopped. “Razputin?” He looked down, and Raz was looking at his feet a bit bashfully. 

“Um... Sasha Nein... are we... are we dating?”

Sasha swallowed and took a deep breath. “As far... as an official standing?” 

“Well, I know we can’t... I mean...” Raz let go of Sasha’s hand and wrung his hands together as he looked up at the man. “I understand we need to be careful and not tell anyone, because you could be compromised... but... you know, between us?”

“Hmm...” Sasha considered. He of course wanted it, but taking that kind of step officially was... well it FELT dangerous. But it also felt... good. It was something to consider, at the very least, but was he ready to make that decision now? Here? He went to one knee and held Raz by the arms. “Let’s be open and honest, as you said before. I would love be... dating you... but I think we should think on this a little more. Talk in the morning. Have a clear mind, and decide together.”

“Oh... okay.” Raz shuffled his feet a bit. “I just kinda wanted to call you... um...” he was blushing hard now. “You know... my boyfriend... or whatever.” 

“Hehe...” Sasha rubbed the boy’s head. “You know, I’ve never had a boyfriend before. It might be exciting.” Sasha stood and turned before towards Raz’s room. 

“Um... can I sleep with you?!” Raz blurted it out so suddenly he almost screamed it, catching both him and Sasha off guard. “... Ahem, I mean... if you wanted, I just...” 

Sasha tapped his foot and thought. “... If i consider things too long, I may come up with a reason to say it’s best to wait.” Sasha saw Raz looking deflated, and he sighed. “Come on then.” He gave Raz a turning little shove towards the larger room, and Raz instantly regained his excitement. They both went into Sasha’s room and began to undress. 

Raz was feeling nervous about stripping before he remembered what they’re just done... then he felt even MORE embarrassed. But he stripped down to his underwear. He realized he didn’t have his pajamas, but didn’t want to Risk Sasha changing his mind, so hopped up into the bed. “Which side should I sleep on, sir?”

“Either. I will be comfortable, don’t worry.” Sasha stripped down to his drawers as well, dark green striped boxer briefs which gave a hint at the man’s size in the moment before he adjusted himself once again. Sasha slipped into his pajama bottoms, hoping Raz hadn’t noticed the defined bulge down his leg (he had) and climbed into bed as well. 

Raz was under the covers, and Sasha joined him, laying carefully on the other side. Sasha laid on his back, tucking one hand behind his head. He glanced over at Raz, who was lying on his side staring at him. “... Razputin, did you need anything?”

“N-no... sorry.” He pretended to close his eyes, but shortly after Sasha closed his, he swore he felt the boy staring again. “...” Raz leaned over and gave Sasha one more kiss briefly on the mouth. “Goodnight Sasha.” 

Sasha smiled without opening his eyes. “Good night, Razputin.” 

And eventually, the two slept, for the first time sharing a bed. The way lovers do. This did not escape their dreams, which seemed to mingle and play with each other in their subconscious. It was a lovely night~


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ho boy... things get a bit steamy, yo. 
> 
> And there’s like... plot development or something!? Crazy~

When a psychonaut dreams, they are rarely not in some form of control. It is not an experience that is strewn in abstractions, feeling impossible to grasp before you wake, and easily forgotten before your first cup of coffee. A psychonaut has trained their mind to understand, analyze, and witness their dreams. They are not in full control, as their brain still shuts down more and more the deeper they sleep, and its those unconscious parts of the brain projecting beyond active stimulation that cause the visions that becomes dreams. A Psychonaut’s mind, however, is strong enough not to be rolled by those visions and feelings. They watch a dream like a projected movie. Separate from their direct emotions, able to review their own subconscious thoughts and determine meaning and diagnose their own underlying stresses. 

Many times this is a strength, as dreams become tools and nightmares become ammunition, but having that detachment from those visions that bring such overwhelming joys and ambitions can make one feel cheated. Like watching a movie of love and not being in the driver’s seat. Sasha was able to watch visions through the night of comfort, openness, self indulgence shared between two people once again. His solidarity will always have a comfort deep down in his mind, but that new spark beside him changed things. He felt a piece of him wanting to nourish, influence, teach, and inspire this spark, and he was warmed by the flame that grew. 

When Sasha began to wake, it felt like turning off the movie of his brain and slowly turning up the lights. The theater first became dark, and then his eyes began to adjust and he slowly opened them to the real world. He was on his back, which was actually a bit strange, as he knew himself to toss and turn in his sleep. He turned his head with a satisfying pop, and began to sat up when a pressure on his side held him down. He looked down, and was surprised to find Razputin resting against his side, his head resting against his chest. Whether awake or in his sleep, Raz had found his way under Sasha’s arm and curled up beside him. 

Sasha relaxed back again, letting himself rest a few more minutes with his boy. He moved his hand, stroking down Raz’s back with gentle fingers. As he watched the boy sleep he felt the small steady breath warm against his skin, the slow heartbeat through his chest, and the boy’s relatively cool hand resting on his stomach. Eventually, Sasha knew he should be getting up, and he carefully moved aside, gently laying Raz’s head down as not to wake him, and moving the covers over him. Sasha leaned over and kissed the boy’s head, and watched him for a moment more before heading to the bathroom to prepare for the day. 

Sasha was scheduled to meet with Agents Vodello and a disguised Agent Cruller in mental space to discuss Razputin’s development and training moving forward. He let some scenarios run through his mind and figured how he would counter any potential arguments to his preferred methods. As he strategized, Sasha let the water run hot in the sink, pulling from his medicine cabinet some facial soap, shaving cream, and a fresh razor. He began washing his face, turning the sink off as he rubbed the suds over his cheeks in tight circular motions. Then, the bathroom door opened, and Sasha turned his head curiously. 

Raz hadn’t opened his eyes more than a centimeter, his feet dragging as he came into the bathroom and walked right past Sasha’s legs without any noticeable recognition. Sasha watched the boy yawn and scratch at the elastic band of his underwear as he bumped into the tub, grunting and reaching out blindly in search for the spigot. Sasha was still in slight shocked silence as Raz finally got the water for the shower turned on, pulling down his underwear and standing by naked with his hand under the water until it was hot enough to clime in and draw the shower curtain. 

Sasha raised an eyebrow, smiled, and then chuckled softly to himself. Raz was so sleepy he doubted the boy even realized where he was. Just acting by instinct. Sasha continued to wash his face and give himself a nice close shave. He was about done brushing his teeth when the water of the shower stopped, and a small hand reached out of the shower curtain feeling along the wall for a towel. Sasha grinned once again, and took a towel from the rack and handed it over. “Here you go.” 

“Thanks...” Tired Raz pulled the towel into the shower to start drying off. “... ... ... Gah!” 

Sasha began to rinse his mouth and almost did a spit take as Raz’s realization of his situation. Trying not to laugh, he spit into the sink, turning to see Raz having pulled the shower curtain back a bit and looking worryied and confused around the bathroom an then right up at Sasha. “Good Morning Razputin.” 

“Uh, h-hi?” deeply blushed, Raz closed the curtain for a moment, and then opened it back up with the towel wrapped around his chest, looking like a maroon toga draped down almost to his knees. “How did... I mean, did i...?” Raz shook his head and stepped out of the shower. “Sorry, I’m... just really tired, I didn’t mean to, uh...” He started walking out, and only stopped when he felt Sasha’s hand rest on his head just before reaching the door. 

“It’s okay. I enjoyed your albeit limited company. I hope you slept well, Razputin.” He ruffled the wet hair and then straightened up. “And thank you for warming up the shower. Hehe, saves me a few seconds.” Sasha reached back into the shower and turned the water back on. “Why don’t you finish getting ready for the morning, and I will join you shortly?”

“Y-yeah, okay.” Raz embarrassingly walked out of the bathroom and closed the door with a sigh. Oh gosh... did he just walk in on Sasha in the bathroom, strip down naked and slip into the shower before him!? GUH! Stupid! He was so sleepy he didn’t notice... he looked around the room and some memories started coming back. He had slept in Sasha’ bed. NEXT to Sasha himself. They slept together. Maybe... did that mean they were dating officially now? Raz gulped and turned back to the door. He wondered and fought with himself... would that be going too far? What would Sasha think if...?

Sasha Nein had stepped into the shower and was rubbing his bar of soap in his hands to get a nice thick lather worked up before rubbing under his arms when he heard the door click open. He wondered at first if they had not closed it properly and that it had just blown open, but it slowly shut shorty after. He stood still under the hot water and listened, and his head turned down as the shower curtain was moved slowly aside. Raz had dropped his towel, and looking very unsure but wanting he stood naked in front of the shower. 

“Um...” Raz didn’t know what words would make up for this embarrassing awkward and random moment, so he prayed silently that he wouldn’t be asked to explain himself, and carefully climbed into the shower. Sasha had taken a small step back, giving the boy room. Raz’s eyes were not he shower floor, and on Sasha’s bare feet. He was tense, his hands were shaking a bit, and embarrassingly and only adding to the tension, his penis was very hard and exposed fully. He started to look up, his eyes squinting in the falling water, and he took in a bit more of Sasha’s wet body, soap running down in trails towards the drain. They were both still as Raz ended up looking straight forward with a gulp. Wow.... Sasha looked so different without clothes. He had dark patterns of body hair, a thick and heavy looking penis, a trail of hair that lead to his belly button, and his hair was flat against his scalp and his eyes were without their normal glasses. 

Sasha did not make a move at this time. He was filled with many things... curiosity, embarrassment, fear... but overall, he wanted Raz to be in control and feel that he could decide for himself what he did, what he did or didn’t like, where was too far. He took a breath, and let himself be still, allowing Raz to act, and react, as he wished. 

Raz had hoped silently that Sasha would somehow help, but could tell the man was fighting not to. He took a breath and reached forward to take Sasha’s hand, and then turned around, placing the man’s hand on his shoulder. It took a moment of standing before Raz felt Sasha begin to move, rubbing his shoulder, his thumb slipping down his back. 

The experience began to finally move forward. Sasha reached for his soap and reapplied it to his hands before kneeling down and rubbing Raz’s back from his shoulders and down to his butt. He felt Raz shiver, but never pull away from the man’s hands, so he continued. He washed the boy, his hands slipping down his legs, and then around and up his thighs. Things were getting close, but he could tell Raz didn’t want to risk saying embarrassing things. He also didn’t want Sasha to ask to stop... he trusted the boy to speak up if things went too far. Sasha leaned forward and kissed the boy’s cheek as his soapy hands slipped up a bit more, feeling the boy’s stiff little member slip between his fingers. Raz bit his lip and his body stiffened, his breaths deepening but becoming shaky. 

“Shhhh...” Sasha whispers. “It’s okay, Razputin. I’m here, I have you.” He didn’t want to ask the boy to tell him to stop, those words were unwanted. “Tell me you want this...” It was an offer for permission, and from his memories before, they both knew Sasha craved the boy to want it as much as he did. 

Raz gulped. “S-Sasha? I... I do. I want this...” Whatever ‘this’ was, Raz felt exposed and disarmed against anything Sasha wished, and he wanted to give all of that to the man and more if he could. As Sasha’s fingers moved around between his legs, Raz felt little shocks almost spread from his groin and down his legs, up his spine to his fingertips, he felt his heart beating faster, his breath catching in his throat. Sasha’s breath on his neck was so subtle under the hot flow from the shower, his lips smooth from his fresh shave climbing from his neck to his cheek to his head. 

Sasha felt himself shiver despite the warmth of the shower, feeling Raz reacting to his touch. He wanted this moment to be captured in his mind. The feel of the boy’s smooth wet skin under his fingertips, the small twitch whenever he moved his light grip back or forth over his small length. He didn’t even notice his own body’s reaction to everything until he felt himself press against Raz’s thigh. 

“Sasha?” Raz swallowed as he felt something poke against him from behind his leg near his butt. He moved back just a bit, feeling it slip between his legs and under his tight smooth balls. Raz’s eyes went wide when he looked down, seeing Sasha’s erect penis between his legs, especially in comparison of his own. He felt Sasha try to back away in shame and embarrassment, but Raz gently tightened his legs, stopping him, and then slipped himself back to see more, unknowingly pressing his butt to Sasha’s stomach. “Wow...” Raz reached down past Sasha’s hand and wrapped his small fingers around the thick pulsing member between his legs. He blushed when he heard Sasha’s moan behind him.

“Razputin, please...” The situation was about too much for the man, who moved his hands to Raz’s shoulders, holding him as he shifted, pulling himself back. He turned the boy around, who at first looked disappointed, but had a moment of surprise when Sasha kissed him firmly with his tongue. They kissed a while, and Sasha’a breath was becoming more heavy and desperate. Raz held his mentor’s face and pulled himself back, his eyes turning downward. Sasha felt himself blushing deeply, but the hand he had moved around his cock tightened as his pupil watched. 

Raz licked his lips subconsciously as he watched Sasha stroking himself under the water in front of him. He swallowed and pulled Sasha closer, pressing their foreheads together. The man closed his eyes tightly as he felt himself building inside as Raz kept his eyes down in curiosity and fascination. He remembered some of the things Sasha had wanted. For him to give permission, to say how Sasha felt so that he could admit it to himself. “Sasha?” He felt the man tensing, even as he continued to stroke himself down there. “This is what I want. To feel good together with you.” Raz felt a moment of excitement as Sasha shivered and could no longer hold back a heavy panting, filled by a lustful moan. “Sasha, I want you. I love you.” 

“R-“ Sasha couldn’t get a single word out before his body tensed up, and he felt a rush of pleasure pulse through him. He felt Razputin holding him through it all, and it was wonderful... but as the pleasure began to wane, and his mind began to once again become clear, he opened his eyes and saw the cum running down Raz’s stomach over his ground and down his legs, being slowly washed away by the shower. He blushed deeply, and the looked up enough to see Raz looking down at himself in awe before looking up into Sasha’s eyes. 

“Hehe... wow.” 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Razputin!” Sasha stood in front of his mirror, making a slight adjustment to his tie to make sure the large knot he’d formed as symmetrical and straight, tucked neatly into his vest, which complimented the dark jacket he’d chosen. “It’s almost time to go. Are you dressed?”

“Yeah!” Raz called from his room, yelling own the hallway. “I mean... Almost! Give me a second!” 

Sasha sighed and adjusted his cufflinks before walking towards Raz’s room. “We don’t have long before we’re supposed to be to the meeting. Can I help?” He leaned into the doorway to see how the boys as getting along. 

Raz was in his navy slacks and white shirt with thin white and black striped suspenders, but was standing in a mirror with his tongue sticking out one side as he pulled on both sides of the tie before looking in the mirror and seeing the small part of the tie hung down to his crotch and the big part was up by his nipples and the knot was just a ball of colored fabric. “Dang-it, again... what is the POINT of this stupid... Guh!” 

Sasha walked up from behind and gave a firm tap with two fingers to the top of the boy’s head. “Calm yourself. We’ll be here all day. Just let me-“

“I’ve got it!” Raz flailed his arms up to knock away Sasha’s hands. “I need to learn to... just... small over big-“

“Big over small.” 

“...Okay, big over SMALL! Then... um...” 

Sasha sighed. “We will practice this another time.” He pressed his hands onto Raz’s tense shoulders. “Breathe.” He slid his hands down as Raz sighed defeated and annoyed, his arms falling from the tie and to his sides. “Thank you. Now.” Sasha flipped up Raz’s collar and kneeled behind him, picturing the tie around his own neck, adjusting, and with practiced efficiency created a thinner knot for the boy’s smaller frame, and adjusted the length before tucking his collar down. “There. Fetch your jacket.” 

“Humph.” Raz slipped on said jacket and walked out to the hall to join Sasha. “Why do we need to dress up anyways? We’re going into the mental world, we can just... MAKE ourselves dressed however, can’t we?”

Sasha looked at Razputin and grinned. He looked very handsome, despite the near scowling look on his face. His young thin frame filled in the suit, making nice lines form, the light pinstripes in the threading attempting to make him look a tad taller, the thin padding in the shoulders filling out his chest shape... he looked very very handsome. “First of all, young Razputin, we can make ourselves look as we wish in the mental world, however that would take your focus way from the meeting. Secondly, we will be sharing a space provided by Psychonauts HQ, which has protective measures from disguises, and unless you are highly trained and know the processes like some of the senior agents, you will not be able to hold any attempt at disguising your appearance once in the meeting. And finally...” He leaned down and kissed Raz’s forehead. “You do look very nice.” 

Raz lost his frustrated look for a moment, caught off guard and pulling at his uncomfortable collar. “Ahem, well... I guess it’s not that bad. But i should be able to to tie the tie myself...”

“And I’ll teach you, but for now, we’re late.” Sasha stood, and opened the door to his office. “After you. Take a seat.” 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When the meeting was done, Sasha headed into the kitchen. He needed a drink. Razputin followed, excitedly bouncing behind him. 

“Did you hear that Sasha!?” Raz pulled his tie to untie it and let it hang around his shoulders, and unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt, finally letting his jacket drop to the floor and hopping up to sit on the counter. “Cruller said he wants to me actually go into the FIELD! I mean, with other agents to supervise, but in the actual FIELD!” 

“Mmm.” Sasha opened the fridge and found a bottle of a strong German beer he enjoyed when he needed to relax but not planning on being irresponsible with a stronger booze. There had been a few conversations in that meeting, and some of them were supportive and complimentary, but others threatened the life that had been built up these past few weeks. The bottle cap hissed and bent sharply in half, floating off to the trash before the man took a healthy sip, the strong bitter and cold brew slipping over his tongue and down his parched throat. 

“Do you think that I’ll be able to fight any other psychic bad guy like Coach Oleander? You know, back when he was all mind warped by his own past or whatever? Or maybe they’ll let me spy on some big company like Agent Steel in Agent Steel 6: Better than Six...” 

Sasha considered what he had been told. Milla was at the meeting, and they were able to talk alone for a moment. She could tell he was much less stressed than the last time they met just a few days ago. She did not need him to admit that he had acted on her advice. It was alarming and frightening when she suggested that she might be more aware of the situation than either of them let on, and that if she was right... well, she would keep her mouth shut, and always be around if either he or his ‘little’ partner needed any help, or advice, or just a friendly ear. She warned him to be cautious, and admitted as well that she knew she needn’t tell HIM of all people. But then Cruller debriefed Raz on his training with Sasha. The ex Psychonauts leader was disguised as Coach Oleander when he entered, but for the boy’s benefit he had let his disguise slip when they were alone. Raz told him about the touch mental training, his personal physical training, and even the practical computer skills and Psychonaut specific education he’d received. Cruller seemed impressed but he progress, but then suggested that the boy would very soon be ready to take the next step of his training and come to official Psychonaut HQ to be paired with younger agents to be shown the true application possibilities of his mind. This is what has Sasha stressing, as he held a now empty beer bottle. He must have been thirstier than he thought. 

“...And I wonder if they’ll give me my own office. I haven’t mind sharing my office with YOU, but man I hope it’s not like a full classroom full of people typing all at once. Do you think we’ll have bunk beds like back at camp? ... Sasha?” Raz had finally come down from his excitement enough to notice the man was staring at the bottle in his hand deep in thought. “Is.... something wrong?”

“Hmm? Oh, no no. It’s nothing, Razputin, just...” Sasha stopped and took a deep breath. Openness. Honesty. The boy was asking him a direct question, to not answer fully would be lying to his face. He needed to stop secluding himself. Let him in. “Well...Razputin, when I first brought you here to my home, I had a slight hesitation. Only slight.” His finger tapped the bottle, and he finally put it down to keep him from fidgeting. “I am used to being alone. Secluded. I can always visit others for conversation, to reflect my findings, to acquire assistance when needed... but I’ve always had this place to center myself, to surround myself in quiet contemplation. And I knew bringing you here would at least temporarily strip me of that comfort.”

“O-oh.” Raz felt his shoulders sink, but he tried to be logical. Sasha was logical, so maybe if he thought that way, he’d understand it a bit more. “So... well, do you feel that you weren’t... comfortable with me here?”

Sasha chuckled. “I find myself more comfortable than I have been in years.” Sasha removed his glasses and placed them next to the beer bottle on the counter, and then pinched between his eyes gently. “I didn’t expect to enjoy your company as much as I have. And enjoy watching you grow, teaching you control... and I certainly did not think I would end up... opening myself up to you as much as I have.” 

“Well...” Raz scooted over the counter closer to Sasha, nudging him playfully. “I mean, I did at least get to see you naked, right?” He grinned awkwardly at his bad joke, but Sasha at least seemed to chuckle at it. “Hey um... I really... REALLY loved being here. And part of me wants to stay...” 

“Mmm... same. But for your growth, and for your future...” 

“Yeah...” They fell into silent for a moment, and Raz finally put his hand down between them. He gave Sasha another nudge for the man to see the motion, and Sasha placed his hand on top of Raz’s. “But... this isn’t... it’s not goodbye, though... right?”

Sasha shook his head. “Raz, do you remember last night when you asked if we were dating?”

Raz turned a sudden two shades redder, his hand gripping the counter as he nodded. “Y-yeah?”

Sasha took a deep breath. “Well... I do feel with such complications as we would face currently... I think that would be a poor definition of our current relationship.” 

“Oh... But um... well, what DO you think would define it, then?”

“Smart boy.” Sasha smiled and turned to face Raz. “You know, you learn very quickly. I think we should... maybe be a promise.” 

“A promise?” 

Sasha nodded. “You know, we still have some time to train here before Cruller officially decides on if you will be assigned and where. I don’t plan on being easy on you. I want to you be prepared for whatever adventure is next for you. But no matter where you go, no matter where I find myself, I want you to know that I will never be so far away. And I will always be waiting for you with open arms.” He leaned down, and Raz lifted his head in time for them to touch lips for a moment. Their foreheads rested against each other. “It’s a promise.”

“And... maybe, when it’s less complicated...” Raz looked up at Sasha hopefully, their foreheads still rubbing gently together. 

“I will not lie to you, Razputin. No one knows what the future holds. But what I hope for in my heart is to be yours. In whatever capacity we are able. Your mentor, your friend, your guide...” 

“Maybe, um... your boyfriend?” Raz grinned. 

“Hehe... maybe even someday your boyfriend.” Sasha kissed him once more. 

“And maybe someday your hu-“

“Hey.” Sasha lifted a finger and tapped Raz’s nose, leaning back with a grin. “One step at a time, Razputin. You must focus more on the now, especially with your training about to take a step up in difficulty.” 

“Yes sir!” Raz jumped down from the counter, his fists clenched excitedly as he bounded gently in his dress shoes. “When do we start? What do you want to teach me next?” 

Sasha raised an eyebrow. “Well, if you’re going to be here a while longer...” The man reached up and pulled a cup off of the shelf. “Why don’t I teach you how to make a good cup of coffee?”


	10. Chapter 10: The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end, friends. But we all know it’s just really the beginning. :D 
> 
> Until next time, Psi-cadets.

It was Sunday morning, the day Razputin was to be picked up by Psychonaut faculty to transport him to headquarters to begin his official training. Sasha did not open his eyes, wishing for the night to extend just a few more moments. He raised his hand, reaching over to rest it on Razputin’s back. The boy had taken to sharing his bed regularly, and while they normally fell asleep on their side of the bed, not a single night has gone by that Sasha didn’t wake up with the boy’s arms either clinging to his arm or draped over his chest, or once somehow wrapped around his head. The boy was a clinger, but the general warmth of the boy and his soft breathing never bothered him through the night. 

Sasha leaned down to kiss Raz’s head. The boy squirmed and his fingers gripped the sheets as he legs straightened and his toes flayed out as he stretched. “Good morning, Razputin.” 

“Nnnnnnng~!” Raz relaxed after his stretch, and reached further around Sasha’s chest in a firm hug. “Mmmmfive mo...” 

“Heh, come now, lazy. You know it’s time now, not later.” Sasha began making his way to the edge of the bed, the boy clinging all the harder, dragging along the mattress.

“Mnnoooooo...” Raz fought every morning, but with a few pushes and pulls he was walking towards the bathroom with his eyes nearly closed, his head hanging and gently nodding as a supportive hand pushed him from the back. He felt the cold tile under his feet, and reached out for the sink before stepping up onto the stool Sasha had brought in for him to see the mirror. 

Once Raz was on the stool, Sasha finally let him go. He went to the shower himself, turning on the hot water and letting it warm as he went to quickly make the bed and set out some clothes. When he was back, Raz was slowly brushing his teeth, his pajamas hanging off one shoulder and untucked and his hair ruffled and plastered in different placed. Sasha once again kissed Raz’s head, the boy responding with a protesting morning groan as Sasha stepped into the shower to wash. 

As Sasha finished washing, Raz had finished with his teeth and had gone to set out his own clothes, as Sasha taught him. The man was wrapped in a towel preparing to shave as Raz walked past him, leaving his pajamas on the bedroom floor. He saw a flash of the boy’s little butt as he stepped into the shower, and that gave Sasha a small grin as he finished his morning routine. He looked at himself in the mirror, catching that smile on his lips, and his expression began to sink. Sasha was a man who wouldn’t define what he did as overthinking, but when he began to remember that this was the last morning he would wake up with the boy, the last morning of this routine of trading showers...

Raz shut off the water and reached passed the shower curtain for a towel. For the first time, one didn’t appear in his hand. “Sasha?”  
Sasha blinked and turned his head, seeing Raz reaching. “Oh, sorry.” Sasha grappled the towel off of the wall and handed it over. “Wasn’t paying attention.” 

“It’s okay.” Raz yawned as he gave himself a quick once over before wrapping the towel around himself and stepping out of the shower. “What’s for breakfast?”

Sasha went to the bedroom to get dressed while Raz dried himself. He was always so simple thinking, and that was refreshing, and while it could also be frustrating at times that was not where Sasha’s focus was. He straightened his brown and tan striped setter and olive pants, tightening his belt comfortably as he tried not to think of that afternoon yet. “Poached eggs and toast.” 

“With Strawberry jam?” Raz pulled on his pants and looked up at Sasha with a grin. “And orange juice?”

“Mmm... and coffee.” Sahsa grinned at Razputin before walking into the kitchen to get the water simmering for the eggs. As he began to prepare breakfast, Raz walked in and stepped onto a levitation bubble and then up onto a chair near the coffee machine, a cup floating gently towards him. He prepared Sasha’s coffee the way he taught him with practiced precision, packing in the fresh grounds, letting the machine pump a small amount into he cup while you prep the steam wand to foam the milk... the milk took some practice, and Raz was finally able to make the foam okay, but he couldn’t make that little swirl pattern Sasha did. 

When Raz brought the cup of coffee to the table, he was greeted with a plate of toast and a jar of strawberry jam. The two enjoyed their morning nice and slow, the same way that had been for the last week and a half. Raz didn’t allow the thought of him leaving soil their last day. As Sasha stood at the sink to rinse their dishes, Raz stood on a large levitation ball and leaned up to kiss Sasha’s cheek. Sasha turned and returned the kiss before the boy went to the office. 

After Sasha refreshed his coffee, he went followed and found Raz at work as he had been the last few days, typing away new reports. Raz easily looked from the page to his screen and back, barely looking at his fingers anymore, and after only a few weeks of typing, even Sasha was impressed. Those video games could be useful after all, it seemed. For a few moments, Sasha stood in the doorway sipping his coffee and just watching. Remembering. 

The rest of the morning went by like any other morning. They worked, Sasha helped Raz with questions on reports, they cleaned up. Sasha had gone out for his late morning cigarette, and as he leaned on the guard rail looking down the valley at the city in the distance, his mind began to wander again. He took a long drag of his smoke, holding the cigarette comfortably between two fingers, and sighed through his nose, the smoke thinning as it drifted away on the breeze. He had only been out for a minute when he heard the door, and soon, Raz had climbed up onto the guard rail and sat next to Sasha, kicking his legs gently. 

“You know, I still think that smoking is bad for you.” Raz crossed his arms in a faux sigh of defiance and an over-exaggerated look of disdain. “Even if it does make you look cool. You’re gonna get old with yellow teeth and stink and get a bad cough and your voice will-“

“Oh?” Sasha flicked the ashes from the tip of his smoke. He remembered when he’d started smoking back in academy when he had been so stressed, that first smoke being so awful, but the stress bringing him back until it was a nervous habit. He’d wondered if Raz would have a similar experience someday. “Maybe I should quit.” 

“Well, maybe you should.” Raz turned back and stuck out a finger at his mentor. “I want to make sure that when I leave you’re taking care of yourself. I can’t have you closing yourself up in your office all day and not coming out for fresh air. I need to know when I come back to visit that you’ll be happy and healthy and stuff.” 

“Heh... Oh yeah?” Sasha tapped the cigarette once more and let it float over towards Raz. “Would you like to try?”

“Gck!” Raz recoiled slightly from the cigarette, but the way he shifted his eyes back and forth as if to see if anyone was watching was a telling sign that he was fighting his curiosity. “W-well... No! I mean, I’m not old enough to be-“

“You’re not old enough to be doing a lot of things you do.” Sasha turned and grinned, seeing Raz blush deeply. “So... do you want to try?”

“... ... A little...” Raz reached out and took the cigarette floating in front of him. He held it in too many fingers and eyed it suspiciously. It felt weirdly weird to even worry that Sasha’s mouth had been on it, though the thought crossed Raz’s mind, but this was real. The tip was glowing softly, a small line of smoke floating from the tip. “Um... are you sure this is okay?”

“I won’t tell if you don’t.” Sasha acted as nonchalant as possible. 

Raz narrowed his eyes. This was unlike Sasha Nein to be so coy about breaking rules, but... well, Raz wouldn’t get another chance like this, especially not at Psychonauts HQ. “Okay, well...” Raz took the cigarette between his lips and sat up, lowering his hands, holding it in a pucker. He looked a bit confused and looked over to Sasha. 

“Just slowly breathe in.” Sasha knew what was about to happen, and he was ready. 

Raz crossed his eyes a bit looking at the tip of the cigarette as he began to breathe in. He barely got the tip to glow before the hot ashy smoke hit the back of his throat and slipped down barely into his lungs. The itch and burn and acrid taste hit all at once, his body seizing before he hacked up a disgusting coughing fit! “BLECKAAACH!! Caaauph!!” He grabbed for his throat and had his tongue out as he felt like he was being choked from the inside! 

Sasha had already grabbed the neck of Raz’s coat, holding him onto the rail, and had caught his cigarette in his psychic grip, letting it float back to him as he gave a hearty laugh! “Haha! Oh... well, Razputin.” After helping the boy gain his balance, he gave him a pat on the back, letting him finish his cough fit. “What did we learn today, young man?” The cigarette floated back to Sasha’s lips, and he took another drag. 

“Gack... Bleck... Never trust Sasha Nein when he’s being nice about breaking rules...Guuuuh...” Raz shivered and stuck out his tongue again. 

“And? Do you think you’ll pick up smoking?”

“No!” Raz crossed his arms in front of his face and leaned away from the man! “Never, that was awful! I can’t believe you LIKE that stuff!” 

“Hehe... good. It’s bad for you. And expensive.” Sasha finished his smoke and crushed the butt of the cigarette into the ashtray. He was glad he could teach one more important lesson today. “Let’s go inside.” 

As they walked back into the house, Sasha glanced down the hallway, noting Raz’s suitcases packed up next to his bedroom door. He signed and thought for a moment. “Razputin, you should get dressed for your trip, so we’re not rushing in the end.”

“Well...” Raz reached up and took Sasha’s hand for a moment, feeling Sasha’s hesitation. “We can wait a little longer, right?”

Sasha shook his head, but gave the boy’s hand a squeeze. “You go dress. I want to find something very quickly in my room for you. Go on.” He ushered the boy in front of him and gave him a soft shove from behind. He watched Raz go down the hall, and in a brief moment of inspiration, gave the boy a small slap on the behind with a psychic hand. 

“Ow! Hey...” Raz turned and tried to look upset but failed, cracking a smile. “I’ll get you back for that!” 

“Later. Go go.” Sasha went into his room as Raz went off for his. He went to the corner of his room to an old armoire that he rarely opened. When he did, he was instantly filled with nostalgia. He had many old items stored away. Sasha Nein was not a sentimental man, but there were a few things he never could truly let go. One of these things he pulled from the top of shelf, and slipped into his front pocket before closing it all up once again. He went into the living room and stood in front of the fireplace as Raz got ready. 

“Okay, Sasha.” Raz left his room and peeked down the hall before he noticed Sasha in the room in front of him. He went in, dawning his new official psychonaut uniform. The body suit was a little tight, fully green apart from the black shoes and gloves, and the Psychonaut emblem on the chest. He came in and stood in front of Sasha was his hands behind his back. “Hey. So...?” He grinned, curious and a little excited. “So... what did you get me?”

Sasha turned from the fireplace and looked Raz up and down. He’d only seen the boy in his official outfit once before back at camp. With his new memories of the boy, the tight fitting suit looked far more appealing than it should have to him. He tucked those thoughts away for later and straighten himself, slipping one hand into his pocket. “Razputin.” 

“Sasha~” Raz tilted his head a bit. 

Words were becoming difficult, so he pulled from his pocket an old piece of threaded fabric that had seen better days. It took Raz a moment to recognize it as a merit badge, but one he hadn’t seen before. “So. This here was my first ever merit badge.” He turned it and held it tight, the image simply of a pine tree on the front. “When I began my psychic training in my youth, this was the very first badge you were able to receive, simply for showing up and deciding to stay and train despite our old counselor’s dire warnings. Counselor Cruller was a big prankster, and liked to scare the children on the first day, and rewarded us for our bravery with this simple but all together useless badge.” 

“Heh... wow, I’m surprised you kept it for so long.” Raz glanced back towards his bags, seeing the small collection of badges he’d stacked onto his backpack, some already sporting small tears and burn marks from his adventure at camp. 

“Me too. I am not one to keep the past alive. I prefer to keep my eyes on the future. But this...” Sasha knelt down and held the badge out to Raz. “This was always special to me.” 

Raz hesitated before reaching out and taking the badge, looking over it more closely. It was roughed up, stained, and was fraying on one side. Thinking on his badges, this one must have really been through the ringer during Sasha’s training. “Wow...” 

“I know it’s not much, Razputin, but I want you to keep this with you.” 

Raz raised his head. “What? But this... this is too special to you, I can’t-“

Sasha raised a hand and placed it on Raz’s shoulder. “I will look instead to the future, boy. To when I can see you again. And I want you to hold onto this for me... to make sure you bring it back to me someday.” 

“Ooooh...” Raz grinned and looked at the badge up close again with a blush on his cheeks. He looked up to Sasha and took a step back before giving him a camp Whispering Rock salute! “I promise I’ll bring this back to you safely as soon as possible, Agent Nein!” 

Sasha looked stunned for a moment, and then chuckled. “I know you you will, Psi cadet.” He held out his hands, which Raz took without hesitation. Sasha gently pulled the boy closer, and soon their lips were pressed together. This kiss was soft, reassuring, natural... they both felt the warmth as their faces blushed together, and as they pulled apart, they were both smiling. “I love you Razputin.” 

“And I love you Sasha.” Raz smiled at him. 

They were taken aback when a knock came at the door. Sasha answered, and it was a man in a Psychonauts one piece uniform with an added orange vest. “Hey there, I’m here to pick up Psi cadet Aquato.” 

“So soon.” Sasha adjusted his glasses. “I see. He’ll be right out.” 

“Okay, but we’ve got quite a ways to go... can I help with any bags or anything?”

Sasha handed the man Raz’s luggage, and then closed the door for just a moment to say one more goodbye. As he turned, Raz jumped and wrapped his arms around the man’s neck. Sasha caught the boy and held him tight. They held that embrace, taking in each other’s presence, and Sasha swore he heard the boy sniff. 

“Razputin.” Sasha whispered, squeezing the boy. “I will always be near.”

Raz just nodded against him and squeezed harder. Eventually, they needed to separate, and Raz wiped his cheeks with his sleeve quickly to hide it from Sasha. He was soon out the door, and Sasha was watching the small yellow bus pull away into the woods down towards the main road. 

Sasha sighed and walked back inside, locking his front door. For the first time in a while, his home felt empty. He heard the tick of the clock on the wall, and every footstep seemed to echo. It was ludicrous of course, but he could not help the feeling. In order to distract himself, Sasha went back to his desk to finish some final reports before he signed up for official assignments. 

It was only about fifteen minutes later when Sasha heard Raz’s voice in the back of his mind. “Sasha? Are you able to hear me?”

Sasha looked up from his work and turned almost expectantly, but no one. He placed two fingers to his temple and focused for a moment, feeling for the psychic line. “Razputin?”

“There you are! I missed you.” 

Sasha raised an eyebrow. “You have been gone less than half an hour.” 

“I know but...” Following the main road, Raz looked out of the bus window at the passing trees, knowing he was going further and further from one of the few places he’d ever felt at home. He held Sasha’a old badge tight, using the emotional and mental ties connected to the badge to find Sasha. “I never actually said goodbye...” 

“It’s not goodbye, really.” Sasha grinned and made himself a cup of coffee as he spoke silently with his boy. “It’s only a promise to see each other again.” 

“Yeah well... it feels like a goodbye sometimes.” Raz pressed his head against the window. “Is it... okay if I call you like this sometimes? When I’m lonely?”

“It is always okay.” Sasha stepped out onto the patio and looked out at the city once more. He smiled, picturing the future. “I told you. I’m always near.” 

“Hehe... is that a promise, Sasha Nein?”

“That’s a Promise.”


End file.
